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Wednesday, June 07, 2006

After about 4 hours of looking up passwords and usernames, I finally found mine to get back into the blogger system. -sigh- bliss.

So I've got a boyfriend now, by the name of Aaron Rio Madrid. I pretty much love him insanely like all girls do when they find a boy they really like who likes them back. I lose my mind a little with when i'm with him, because I think about kids and a family and marriage and stuff, but when he's not around, I think about how sometimes he doesn't open up. I think the reason why its hard for me to be in this relationship is because I'm used to guys who speak about their feelings...a little too much actually. Rio's different, because he's quiet about his feelings, and its like pulling needles to get him to talk to me. I'm pretty sure he's like that with everyone and its not just me, but sometimes it makes me wonder.

We've only been dating for three months, though, so maybe he's still holding a few things back, which is understandable. I'm the one who talks too much about personal stuff. Plus, i'm always bitching about stupid stuff, like my friends and how I'm angry at them for whatever reason, or how much i love theatre, and games, and movies. And he loves how excited i get about them. Just like how when he starts talking about History or his Dad, i love listening because he kind of comes alive for me in a way I don't see him do much. Seriously, I love him, its completely insane.

I'm trying to cut back on talking about him to my friends and family, because I'm pretty sure they're all sick of hearing about the single best relationship I've been in. I'm pretty happy, minus the not telling me a few things. Like when he doesn't want to say he wants me to pay for a movie, or how when he makes decisions, he doesn't tell me why or how he got to those decisions. Only one time i was really upset because he kind of ditched me without telling me exactly why, and I finally got the courage to ask, and turns out it was a simple thing. I felt like if he had told me that before hand, I wouldn't have waisted so much time being upset.

Idk, maybe thats just men in general, all the other ones I dated are about 10 seconds from gay anyway. all of my friends have homosexual tendencies except for me and my friend Megan, whom I"ve known for a few years. Everyone else has shown some form of lesbianism or gayism. Rio's lucky because all of my friends are gay except me, meaning he's got nothing to worry about.

Except possibly Isaac on occasion.

Though I'm pretty sure Isaac is leaning too far near the gay side for me to ever actually pursue it. And its weird because I still check out other people even though i'm with Rio. When I was with Sam (first love) I never looked at anyone, but with Rio I still glance and long from time to time. I"d never take a phone number or anything insane like that, but I definantly look. Maybe its because Rio's kind of goofy looking in most ways. His eye's are completely gorgeous, and i like looking into them. Its interesting how he doesn't talk about his feelings, but sometimes I see this look that comes on his face. its this goofy little "i'm in love with you" kind of look. Believe it or not, i kind of dislike it. only because its this lovesick puppy thing, and I have no patience for puppies. I like my dogs full grown so i can tackle them. Its a really rare thing that starting to become more frequent, but then again, same lines, when he drops that weird look, and looks at me with the eyes of a grown man, I'm completely blissful. Idk. its strange about Rio, I feel like I could get married to him and he'd still surprise me. Actually to be completely honest, I have this feeling that if I got married to him, I'd actually like him more the farther along.

I mean, i love him now. But after he gets a good teaching job, and gets used to seeing me all the time, therfore losing the weird puppy face, and gaining a little 'adult' wieght (he's skin and bones right now), btw, adult wieght is the wieght you get after you're not able to eat cheeseburgers without feeling the consequences, but anyway after that, I'll love him even more. If that makes sense. the reason why I love it is that I don't have to do anything for it. He's amazing already, so its like I know he's going to get better with age. Its weird to feel like the longer I'm with him the more I'm going to love him. And the best part of it all is that I don't have to do anything. there's nothing that I'm going to have to change, you know? Like usually when i think someones going to get better, its because i feel like i can change them or want to change him. I don't want to change Rio, I want to grow old with him and see him succeed. And I know that he'll do that with or without me, i just hope its with me. :)

Man this is long.
rocked my world!

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

I keep looking for approval and love and all of this other stuff, but maybe what I need to do first is look for myself....how can I impose myself on someone, when I don't even know who I am. I'm still in the mist of searching for myself. It doesn't matter who I like or who I don't like right now, what matters is that I know who I am before I go inviting other people in. I'm too open but I'm too closed off...how the hell did I accomplish that?
rocked my world!

Saturday, April 23, 2005

LA VE BOHIEMME!!!!!!


I fucking love RENT and the thought of NY and the fact that I'm so happy right now, that I don't want to sleep, because I'm afraid I'll wake up and not be as happy.

I want to remember this feeling of being amazing. Of being Me, the old me, the one that used to write in this blog and used to be admired by Ashley Elston, and who dances when EVERYONES looking, because she doesn't care.

Damn, I love you, happy girl, don't ever leave me again plz!!!!

Later Days.
rocked my world!

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

I'm using this as my own personal site now.

Its been long enough and I know no one reads it anymore. Thats why I never closed it. I always had the feeling i'd be back.

You become an adult when you realize the world doesn't revolve around you, and because of that, you give up on your core dreams, because self happiness is second to facing reality. And Reality is simple: We aren't alone in existence.
rocked my world!

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

Well, bloggers... its been fun...I had alot of memories here...I learned alot of html...
I learned how to do this

But now its time to go. I've decided three sites is too many and frankly, I've been neglecting all of my blog readers. So I must leave this area of the web.

Here are my other places:
Live Journal Page
Xanga Page

rocked my world!

Sunday, July 11, 2004

Everytime I think the world has changed a large bit, Someone does something racist toward me for no reason. Its bullshit and I'm sick of people using my sites as a way to harass me for being African American. Yeah, I'm black...if you have a problem with that, fuck you. Stop the anonymous shit, if you want to be prejudice, have the balls to say who you are.

Later Days.
rocked my world!

Thursday, July 08, 2004

Hey Gonna update List Style:

Internet got disconnected-YAY mom.
Went to Georgia
Still in Georgia
Stole internet from Walmart :)
Had an annoying waiter keep filling up my already full glass-contact me on AIM for more info..or just go to my xanga.
Someone couldn't guess my age, but he said I was 19
Went to six flags
Going to Coca Cola Factory, a CNN tour, and the Undergound Mall tommorow.
Not missing any of you. :)

Later Days.
rocked my world!
I'm in Atlanta...

Yesterday, I went out to dinner at this Chinese Restraunt down the road from the hotel with Megan and her Grandparents.

We where sitting there chatting it up and I ordered a pink lemonade from the young waiter.

The pink lemonade arrived and we began to talk about where we were going to go in the next few days. I took three sips of my pink lemonade...

Instanty, The waiter pops up and refills my 3.5/4 full glass. I found this odd, but I let it go.

The food came, and I began to conentrate on it. I took a few more sips of lemonade...moments later, my faithful waiter is refilling it.
Now, this was a strange thing, especially since my glass was no where near empty.

Then the meal is done...I'm full and can no longer drink...I take ONE sip of my lemonade.



DO YOU KNOW THAT THAT GUY ACTUALLY ATTEMPTED TO FILL MY COMPLETELY FULL GLASS!! He had to focus intently just to fill it so that it wouldn't spill over. The thing that was so weird about it was that my drink was the only one he was consantly refilling.It was completely crazy. I covered my mouth as I laughed at him. it was unbelieveable...


So memo to self:
Stay away from young Chinese waiters obsessed with the art of pouring.

Later Days.
rocked my world!
I'm in Atlanta...

Yesterday, I went out to dinner at this Chinese Restraunt down the road from the hotel with Megan and her Grandparents.

We where sitting there chatting it up and I ordered a pink lemonade from the young waiter.

The pink lemonade arrived and we began to talk about where we were going to go in the next few days. I took three sips of my pink lemonade...

Instanty, The waiter pops up and refills my 3.5/4 full glass. I found this odd, but I let it go.

The food came, and I began to conentrate on it. I took a few more sips of lemonade...moments later, my faithful waiter is refilling it.
Now, this was a strange thing, especially since my glass was no where near empty.

Then the meal is done...I'm full and can no longer drink...I take ONE sip of my lemonade.



DO YOU KNOW THAT THAT GUY ACTUALLY ATTEMPTED TO FILL MY COMPLETELY FULL GLASS!! He had to focus intently just to fill it so that it wouldn't spill over. The thing that was so weird about it was that my drink was the only one he was consantly refilling.It was completely crazy. I covered my mouth as I laughed at him. it was unbelieveable...


So memo to self:
Stay away from young Chinese waiters obsessed with the art of pouring.

Later Days.
rocked my world!

Wednesday, June 30, 2004

After about 17 hugs and a piggy ride, I have accomplished my goal:

I Smell like Keven.
And Keven smells good.:)

Later Days.

rocked my world!

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