OrganizedInsanity

2006-06-07T06:42:00.000-07:00

After about 4 hours of looking up passwords and usernames, I finally found mine to get back into the blogger system. -sigh- bliss.

So I've got a boyfriend now, by the name of Aaron Rio Madrid. I pretty much love him insanely like all girls do when they find a boy they really like who likes them back. I lose my mind a little with when i'm with him, because I think about kids and a family and marriage and stuff, but when he's not around, I think about how sometimes he doesn't open up. I think the reason why its hard for me to be in this relationship is because I'm used to guys who speak about their feelings...a little too much actually. Rio's different, because he's quiet about his feelings, and its like pulling needles to get him to talk to me. I'm pretty sure he's like that with everyone and its not just me, but sometimes it makes me wonder.

We've only been dating for three months, though, so maybe he's still holding a few things back, which is understandable. I'm the one who talks too much about personal stuff. Plus, i'm always bitching about stupid stuff, like my friends and how I'm angry at them for whatever reason, or how much i love theatre, and games, and movies. And he loves how excited i get about them. Just like how when he starts talking about History or his Dad, i love listening because he kind of comes alive for me in a way I don't see him do much. Seriously, I love him, its completely insane.

I'm trying to cut back on talking about him to my friends and family, because I'm pretty sure they're all sick of hearing about the single best relationship I've been in. I'm pretty happy, minus the not telling me a few things. Like when he doesn't want to say he wants me to pay for a movie, or how when he makes decisions, he doesn't tell me why or how he got to those decisions. Only one time i was really upset because he kind of ditched me without telling me exactly why, and I finally got the courage to ask, and turns out it was a simple thing. I felt like if he had told me that before hand, I wouldn't have waisted so much time being upset.

Idk, maybe thats just men in general, all the other ones I dated are about 10 seconds from gay anyway. all of my friends have homosexual tendencies except for me and my friend Megan, whom I"ve known for a few years. Everyone else has shown some form of lesbianism or gayism. Rio's lucky because all of my friends are gay except me, meaning he's got nothing to worry about.

Except possibly Isaac on occasion.

Though I'm pretty sure Isaac is leaning too far near the gay side for me to ever actually pursue it. And its weird because I still check out other people even though i'm with Rio. When I was with Sam (first love) I never looked at anyone, but with Rio I still glance and long from time to time. I"d never take a phone number or anything insane like that, but I definantly look. Maybe its because Rio's kind of goofy looking in most ways. His eye's are completely gorgeous, and i like looking into them. Its interesting how he doesn't talk about his feelings, but sometimes I see this look that comes on his face. its this goofy little "i'm in love with you" kind of look. Believe it or not, i kind of dislike it. only because its this lovesick puppy thing, and I have no patience for puppies. I like my dogs full grown so i can tackle them. Its a really rare thing that starting to become more frequent, but then again, same lines, when he drops that weird look, and looks at me with the eyes of a grown man, I'm completely blissful. Idk. its strange about Rio, I feel like I could get married to him and he'd still surprise me. Actually to be completely honest, I have this feeling that if I got married to him, I'd actually like him more the farther along.

I mean, i love him now. But after he gets a good teaching job, and gets used to seeing me all the time, therfore losing the weird puppy face, and gaining a little 'adult' wieght (he's skin and bones right now), btw, adult wieght is the wieght you get after you're not able to eat cheeseburgers without feeling the consequences, but anyway after that, I'll love him even more. If that makes sense. the reason why I love it is that I don't have to do anything for it. He's amazing already, so its like I know he's going to get better with age. Its weird to feel like the longer I'm with him the more I'm going to love him. And the best part of it all is that I don't have to do anything. there's nothing that I'm going to have to change, you know? Like usually when i think someones going to get better, its because i feel like i can change them or want to change him. I don't want to change Rio, I want to grow old with him and see him succeed. And I know that he'll do that with or without me, i just hope its with me. :)

Man this is long.

2005-11-30T13:25:00.000-07:00

I keep looking for approval and love and all of this other stuff, but maybe what I need to do first is look for myself....how can I impose myself on someone, when I don't even know who I am. I'm still in the mist of searching for myself. It doesn't matter who I like or who I don't like right now, what matters is that I know who I am before I go inviting other people in. I'm too open but I'm too closed off...how the hell did I accomplish that?

2005-04-23T03:33:00.000-07:00

LA VE BOHIEMME!!!!!!

I fucking love RENT and the thought of NY and the fact that I'm so happy right now, that I don't want to sleep, because I'm afraid I'll wake up and not be as happy.

I want to remember this feeling of being amazing. Of being Me, the old me, the one that used to write in this blog and used to be admired by Ashley Elston, and who dances when EVERYONES looking, because she doesn't care.

Damn, I love you, happy girl, don't ever leave me again plz!!!!

Later Days.

2005-04-20T10:27:00.000-07:00

I'm using this as my own personal site now.

Its been long enough and I know no one reads it anymore. Thats why I never closed it. I always had the feeling i'd be back.

You become an adult when you realize the world doesn't revolve around you, and because of that, you give up on your core dreams, because self happiness is second to facing reality. And Reality is simple: We aren't alone in existence.

2004-07-13T21:20:00.000-07:00

Well, bloggers... its been fun...I had alot of memories here...I learned alot of html...
I learned how to do this

But now its time to go. I've decided three sites is too many and frankly, I've been neglecting all of my blog readers. So I must leave this area of the web.

Here are my other places:
Live Journal Page
Xanga Page

2004-07-11T21:48:00.000-07:00

Everytime I think the world has changed a large bit, Someone does something racist toward me for no reason. Its bullshit and I'm sick of people using my sites as a way to harass me for being African American. Yeah, I'm black...if you have a problem with that, fuck you. Stop the anonymous shit, if you want to be prejudice, have the balls to say who you are.

Later Days.

2004-07-08T21:15:00.000-07:00

Hey Gonna update List Style:

Internet got disconnected-YAY mom.
Went to Georgia
Still in Georgia
Stole internet from Walmart :)
Had an annoying waiter keep filling up my already full glass-contact me on AIM for more info..or just go to my xanga.
Someone couldn't guess my age, but he said I was 19
Went to six flags
Going to Coca Cola Factory, a CNN tour, and the Undergound Mall tommorow.
Not missing any of you. :)

Later Days.

2004-07-08T14:53:00.001-07:00

I'm in Atlanta...

Yesterday, I went out to dinner at this Chinese Restraunt down the road from the hotel with Megan and her Grandparents.

We where sitting there chatting it up and I ordered a pink lemonade from the young waiter.

The pink lemonade arrived and we began to talk about where we were going to go in the next few days. I took three sips of my pink lemonade...

Instanty, The waiter pops up and refills my 3.5/4 full glass. I found this odd, but I let it go.

The food came, and I began to conentrate on it. I took a few more sips of lemonade...moments later, my faithful waiter is refilling it.
Now, this was a strange thing, especially since my glass was no where near empty.

Then the meal is done...I'm full and can no longer drink...I take ONE sip of my lemonade.

DO YOU KNOW THAT THAT GUY ACTUALLY ATTEMPTED TO FILL MY COMPLETELY FULL GLASS!! He had to focus intently just to fill it so that it wouldn't spill over. The thing that was so weird about it was that my drink was the only one he was consantly refilling.It was completely crazy. I covered my mouth as I laughed at him. it was unbelieveable...

So memo to self:
Stay away from young Chinese waiters obsessed with the art of pouring.

Later Days.

2004-07-08T14:53:00.000-07:00

2004-06-30T00:44:00.000-07:00

After about 17 hugs and a piggy ride, I have accomplished my goal:

I Smell like Keven.
And Keven smells good.:)

Later Days.

2004-06-24T23:21:00.000-07:00

I'm seriously thinking about becoming a beneficiary of Gurg. I've never been a beneficiary of someones passing before. Though I hardly know him, it would be quite an interesting story to tell the kids as I board a plan 40 years later to make my 'claim'....hmmm...decisions.

Later Days.

2004-06-20T03:38:00.000-07:00

Its 3:40 in the morning and I'm posting. So if this becomes some well though out bullshit,I'm sorry.

I've just realized something. I think about my arguments before I have them. I think about what people might say or how they'll react. I think about who probably hates me, and who doesn't. I think my way into and out of trouble. But I can't seem to think my way into a good relationship. I can't seem to think past thinking. I'm analyzing this and thinking about why I think about a relationship so much. And I'm thinking that its my fault and maybe I should change. Then I think about how I should change and will change. Then I think about what the guy will say and what I'll say. Then I think about the perfect place to do it and the perfect way to say it.Then I start thinking that it won't work...but there's one thing I haven't thought of until now....

WHY DON'T I STOP THINKING AND JUST DO IT!!!!!!

Later Days.

2004-06-18T07:05:00.000-07:00

As, usual, I stayed up and have yet to go to bed. Last night however, I couldn't stop thinking about all of my relationships. All of them have failed in one way or another. Why? Because I'm just plain unstable. But one name kept coming back into my head, which is why I'm sure I need to talk to him. He's a person from my past and maybe if I speak to him, I'll be able to move on.

In other news, I've gotten scared into getting my license. Last night, I was frustrated and bored so I decided to catch a late movie. Late meaning 9:50pm, a time that is early for everything but a movie. Anyway, I went by myself and I realized that this was the first time in 6 months that I actually went out by myself, w/o meeting someone or anything. It was an odd feeling. I kept thinking to myself,'I used to do this ALL THE TIME!?'.

So anyway, the movie, which was the Stepford Wives, Let out at about 11:30pm...a little to late for the Alex bus. So I called my mother, telling her that I would be a little late because I would have to walk. For me to walk home its about 45 min, so I wasn't really worried until she said, "Be careful, they're looking for a rapist right now...". So instead of picking up her only child from the movie theatre so that she won't be raped and murdered, my mother of course when to sleep. So here I was, walking down the street, by myself,in the dark. I didn't incounter anyone, but I was checking behind and around myself the entire time, saying out loud over and over,'Don't look like a victim, walk staight, don't look like a victim'. I believe I was successful in not looking like a victim, the way I was looking around it probably looked like I stole something. I'm surprised a cop didn't stop because I looked like a suspicious character. Obviously I made it home safe and sound, but that was enough for me. My mother has refused to teach me to drive because she's too scared, but I'm not letting her get away with that anymore. She's teaching me how to drive on Saturday, or else....I'll get...angry! :)

She'll probably find a way to get out of it though, so anyone brave enough to drive with me let me know!

Later Days

2004-06-14T11:53:00.000-07:00

So it seems alot of people think Johnny's hot...nice. :)

Well, today, something amazing happened. I, Ebony, woke up before noon. I personally, think that is an accomplishment. Anyway, in the last week, I lost another shot at a role in the show that I'm in, the guy I finally got over, called and freaked me out, I saw 10 movies, and I've become and insonmiac. Or nocturnal. Oh yes, and some of my friends are not friends anymore. I hate change sometimes...no, I hate change most of the time. Anyway, enough rambling. I think I'll leave the house today so I can have something to write. :)

Later Days.

2004-06-09T21:55:00.000-07:00

Ok, stole this from Chelsea, but I thought it was interesting:

Post anonymously:

1. what you truly think of me. anything that you've wanted to say, good or bad, that you've never gotten the chance to or never wanted to.

and / or

2. a secret / how your life is going / just vent.

DANCE, GIR. DANCE!!!

LATER DAYS!

2004-06-08T01:30:00.000-07:00

So it seems as though everyone I know or used to know, has a blog/xanga/LJ...who's the newest recruit?

Randall

TC is taking over the internet...I LOVE IT!!!

Later Days.

2004-06-07T14:31:00.000-07:00

This is my 100th post!!! YAY!! Unfortunately I've got nothing really interesting to say. I'm sore from skating on Saturday, and on Sunday I did the Couch Potato thing, which meant I didn't even get out of my PJ's, and today, I'm going out to do....something. So basically, its summer!

Oh yeah, and I also added a few new entries in my Fav Entries site, so read those for some enjoyment.

Later Days!

2004-06-03T08:13:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow, I'll grab his small frame and wrap my arms around it like its the last time. I'll run my hand through his perfect brown hair in a attempt to mess it up that will fail. I'll look into those pretty blue eyes and grin like an idiot the whole time. And after all this, he'll try to pull my earring out and whisper to me "and the Lord said...". :) He's my favorite, he's my friend, and I miss him like hell.

2004-06-02T22:58:00.000-07:00

For once, I'm online, not thinking about who to chat with because everyone's asleep and dreaming contently. And here I am, as usual, awake and alert while the rest of the world sleeps.

Its strange to me how I don't sleep at night. How instead of 'hitting the hay' after a long day, I'd rather stay up until 3 the next morning thinking about life and why am so lonely lately and why I don't feel a purpose.How I feel like I've let everyone be so open and talk to me, tell me their problems, feelings, and just listened, never judging them, just how I'd want them to listen to me.

Lately I whine about trivial matters, a boy doesn't like me, I don't get a part in a show I've wanted since Febuary, the fact that I don't have a licence, etc. But I never get down to the important things. I talk to people all day and everyday and most of them don't know of my real problems. They don't know what the truth is. I feel like others won't understand. I feel like others will just judge me and find me pathetic.

I'm sick of feeling like I'll be judged. I'm always trying to think of other people's feelings, whether or not I've upset them or offended them in some way. I try to see things from their point of view, try to see them the way they see themselves. I don't feel like I'll get the same treatment. People are narrow-minded in most cases, so I don't expect people to try to understand me. I'm usually happy because I want to be, not because I should be. I've got so many bad things that happen. I help people with their problems because they seem simple compared to mine. I don't tell people my problems because there is never anything they can do to fix it. All they can do is say "I don't know what to tell you. I'm sorry"

I hate that response. Its rare when I have to tell someone that, and every time I do I feel like I've failed them in some way, like I've given up on helping them with their problem. I've only got one friend that I can't seem to help. It makes me mad because I try and try, but I don't know what to say anymore. This friend is important to me, and the fact that I am helpless, bothers me. I've always been the one to help people with their problems. But I can't help this person, and I can't help myself, and I don't know what to do.

My problem is I don't know what I want. I want to many things, or not enough things. I've analyzed it over and over again. Thought about it as if it weren't my problem, as if it was someone elses, and I still can't figure it out. I want things but I don't know how to get them. I think the real truth in all this is that I think to much.

I know what's going to happen. People are going to do one of four things when they comment:

1)make a joke of some kind
2)say they're sorry or they don't know what to say
3)say I'm over reacting
4)not comment at all.

If your gonna do one of the first three things,don't waste your time commenting. I don't want a pity party or someone telling me how to feel. I just wanted a space to write. If you've got something different to say, go for it.

Later Days.

2004-06-01T22:00:00.000-07:00

This:

Sounds great today....I'd do it if I had a gun and didn't have to write a letter. I guess I'll just have to stick around.

Bottom Line: TODAY SUCKED!

2004-05-31T23:37:00.000-07:00

Ok yeah, So I have a crush on this guy. I'm not having one of those wow-he's-cute-but-I'm-not-so-into-him crushes. Oh no...that would be too perfect for me. Its one of those I'm-totally-crazy-about-this-guy-that-I-hardly-know-but-I-think-he's-pretty-much-perfect crushes....basically, the kind you got Freshman/Sophomore year all the time. But I'm a freakin Graduate!! I'm not supposed to have those giddy crushes were you don't know what to say to the person, or when you get your best friend to tell the guy for you because you just that much of a loser. I'm supposed to be cool and calm and invite him over to lunch or something. Not freaking out everytime his SN comes on on my buddy list! DAMNIT! I hate being over emotional and I know that exactly what this is, but I CANT STOP IT!!! So for now, you will all get to hear my own little mini dialogue of what I would like to say and what I probably will say.

What I want to Say:

Me: Hey

Guy:...Hey.

Me: So what's up?

Guy: Oh, nothing much.

Me:Oh....well, I have crush on you, a big one in fact and I would really like to know what you think about that. If you don't like me, I understand, but I just want to know what you think and if you hate me now ok. I just think you're a wonderful person.

That would sound extemely...well...OBSESSIVE. How many guys want to hear that some chick they don't like thinks there 'wonderful'. This is the reason why I'll probably say something different...

What I will Probably Say:

Me: Hey

Guy:...Hey.

Me: So whats up?

Guy: Oh, Nothing much.

Me: Oh...well that good.

(exchange of smiles and a long pause)

Me: Well...bye!

Guy: See ya around

I'm so fucking Pathetic. "Just tell him how you feel..."
I might...I JUST MIGHT!

Later Days

2004-05-31T18:13:00.000-07:00

Are you supposed to be this bored at the beginning of summer? Let me know....

Later Days

2004-05-28T12:00:00.000-07:00

Ok..Yes, I stole alot of this from DC, but I admire him so much it had to be done...plus, I asked him first so you can't hang me...

EBONYS HIGH SCHOOL CAREER BY NUMBERS

Pounds weighed, Freshman year: 110
Pounds weighed, end of Senior year: 125
Hieght Freshman year: 4'11
Hieght Senior year: 5'4
Months waited after legally able to get drivers license to actually get driver's license: Still Waiting (woo hoo!)
Stop signs run over in the process of learning to drive: 1
Moms that freaked out about Stop signs run over in the process of learning to drive: 1
Number of times favorite band changed:3( Freshman-Bow Wow(dont laugh), Sophomore-Eminem, Junior-Ludacis, Senior-Music?? What Music?)
Plays acted in, mainstage: 2 (I rock :) )
Plays acted in, one-acts: 4
Favorite Show: Cast-The Nerd, Crew- Earnest
Hairstyles rocked: 2
Years of Spanish taken: 3
Spanish words retained: 3
Obscenely hot teachers had: 2
Obscenely crazy teathers had: 3
Crushes had Freshman year: 8 (I rocked)
Crushes had Senior year: 8 (I still rock)
Plays written: 3
Plays written that were good: 0
Freestyle competitions won:4-haha jk, 0
Friends who think they can Freestyle: 10 (all black men think they can for some reason)
Friends named Casey had: 4
Friends named Ashley had:infinity
Friends named crazy unusual names had: 8
Years spent in JROTC: 3
Years enjoyed in JROTC: 0
Times been mistaken as a Freshman during Senior Year:60-ish
Days up until Graduation people still thought I was a freshman: 0-surprised someone 30 min before I walked
Times awkwardly shot down: 3
Shortest relationship: 10 hrs.
Years Prom attended: 2
Girls kissed: NONE (ewww)
Guys kissed:6
Virginities lost: 1
Times I wondered why people thought high school was so bad: 2
People I wish I had gotten to know better: Ashley E, Rowena, Sam, and Martin
Years I wouldn't trade for anything: 4

2004-05-27T00:47:00.000-07:00

Today has been awesome:

I saw DC, even though I was a loser and only said about three words, but hey, could've been worse. At least I got a hug. :)

I said some goodbyes, but I wasn't sad.

Talked to someone I'm slowing beginning to be crazy about.

I got some cash from an Aunt for graduating (easiest way to get cash EVER!)

And I bothered Sam for a few minutes on AIM, forcing him to guess who I was (I know, so sad that something so small could amuse me so much, but what can I say, I'm easily entertained)

Needless to say, I am pleased.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Tomorrow is the big day, the day that I graduate from high school. My problem is, something in the back of my mind is saying, "BIG DEAL". High school graduation doesn't really mean a damn thing to me right now. Not that its not important( if everyone says its important, I suppose some part of it is), its just the ceremony seems a bit....STUPID. Sitting around for an hour or so listening to people talk that I've never seen before is not something I'm looking forward to.

If it were up to me, I'd walk up about four seconds before I'm supposed to get my diploma, rush on stage, NOT shake the administrators hands because of the simple fact that I don't LIKE any of them, Wave to people in the stands, get into my friends car, sneak into a club and meet older guys who'll try to get our numbers, but will only get fake ones that go to the nearest radio station, putting them on blast for trying to hit on 17/18 year old anyway.

But unfortunately, its not up to me. I have to sit there in that Damn Maroon gown with a stupid little hat and listen to the Valedictorian talk about how we're all going to be wonderful in the future. It would be awesome if the guy would just say, "Man...I AM SO DRUNK" And that would be the end of most of the agony.

Later days Kids.

2004-05-23T18:03:00.000-07:00

Today was the day that it finally hit me: I am an adult. Even though I've yet to be 18, the fact that I've finish High School and am seriously contemplating how soon I can move out surprises me. Today, Me and my Mom drove to North Phoenix to check out the area such. I sat in the car terribly depressed and irritated about the whole thing, when suddenly I realized...I don't have to go with her. I mean, It finally sunk in that in a few months I would be 18 and free of her rules and regulations. So sure, I have to stay with her for about two months after my 18th birthday, but after that, I'm home-free. I can be...INDEPENDANT. Its a crazy feeling. So, this summer, after I get my job and start getting paid,I'll get driving lessons. Then, I'll save up my cash so I can move out. College is pretty much paid for by financial aid (go USA!), so I'll be able to save up for car, and then, I'll be independant...CRAZY!!!!

Later Days!

2004-05-21T22:18:00.000-07:00

I though today was going to be terrible...completely depressing and sad, but I forgot one really big thing. I forgot that I hung out with the coolest kids in the world. Instead of staying at home, crying my eyes out, Went to play sports with TC kids. I had so much fun. I found out that Sam has a perverted side (which was extremely amusing...Catepillar Sex! hahaha) Anyway, everything is all good.

One thing that pissed me off today: DC was in the drama hall afterschool today...Where was I? I WAS ON THE DAMN BUS!!! GRRRR!!! That figures, just my luck. Well, that was just about the lowest point in my day, so it wasn't bad. Hopefully I'll see him at graduation...(crosses fingers) Ok. Gotta go.

Later Days everyone!

2004-05-20T22:58:00.000-07:00

People I had to say Goodbye to today:
Louis
Ola
Ray

People I have to say Goodbye to tommorow:
Anthony
Shaq
Lawrence
Johnny
George
Ashley G.
etc.

People I don't want to say Goodbye to:

EVERYONE

I've cried too much today. I feel its been useless. 'Crying is good for you'. I always say that to people. It's funny when people tell that back to you it sounds corny and wrong. Right now, crying just ruins my face, reddens my nose, and makes me feel like an emotional sap.

I cried and cried and cried and cried and you know what? Its all for nothing because I shouldn't even stop. Because I know that I'll cry even more tommorow and EVEN MORE at Graduation...all these tears can do nothing for my situation. They don't ease the pain, they make it worse. Crying won't help me get over losing all my friends.

I cry because I know the truth. I cry because I know that after this, everyone will stop lose contact like they always do, because when you're the person to leave, you remember, but your friend forget. They still have all of there friends. Losing you will suck for a little while because they're only losing one friend not all. But when your the person to leave, you lose everyone. You have to start all over again.

I'm tired of starting over. My life is stuck on some cosmic restart button. Everytime I get comfortable I have to leave. I get three years at the most anywhere. I got two at MP and one in Theatre. And now, my life is starting to restart again:

Life: Hmm...how many years has it been? two! Well, time to reboot!

ME: Wait! I'm not done with this one yet! My life just started getting good? What are you doing!

Life: Well, its your time to go. You need to find new friends, a new place, a new school...let make it bigger this time.

Me:Ok, fine I'll go. I can at least visit this time.

Life: What? Visit your old life? No, No, we can't have that...how about we move you to...North Phoenix? Yes, that will be far enough.

Me: FINE! I'll just get my license!

Life: HA, right. And your going to spend all that gas money to see your friends? Doubt it. I'll put your mother on new hours! That way she can make sure you don't go running around your old friends.

Me: This sucks.

Life: You say that all the time, but don't worry, you've got two more years of college here, then we'll get you to LA and I promise, you can settle then.

Me: I WANT TO SETTLE NOW!

Life: Well I'm sorry but that's just not possible.

Me: WHY? Why do I have to move? Why can't I stay in the area and see shows and go to coat ceremonies?? Why do I have to leave, I already have to leave the school. ISN'T THAT ENOUGH FOR YOU!

Life:No, Sorry.

I'm sick of life. All I do is live and love it, but life keeps screwing me over.I'm tired of crying. I hate the restart button.

2004-05-17T23:04:00.000-07:00

Today is an awesome day to put a random picture on my blog. Therefore:

ENJOY!

2004-05-16T00:56:00.000-07:00

First and foremost I must ask:

Can one become intoxicated by the consumpton of soda?

I feel like a drunkard, thrown into the hands of the internet to speak of some wise truths that could only be thought after the mind has left its normal state of boringness and has entered into the realm of shitfacedness (yes, I made up that word).

Well, today, (this morning rather.it is the wonderous time of 1am) I decide to grace you all with a thought about a simple aspect of life: Aol Instant Messager

This is both heaven and hell. The, AIM, as its frequent users would call it, is an enormous waste of energy and time. This device has single handedly made us the most non-communicative society in decades. Normal interaction is harder, more real. However in the world of AIM there are smilies, capable of telling any emotion you feel like showing (or lying about). There is also away message, and my personal favorite,one of God's most precious works...the backspace key. Oh how we love to indulge in the pleasure of being able to erase what was said, the feeling of being in complete control of what happens, yes, the backspace key is favored by many.

However, this world of AIM is also filled with so many other things...Lies, betrayal, scandal:

"You talk to him for me and copy/paste what he says."

Talking to one person and lying to the other. The place where 'hold on' can sometimes just mean, I don't want to talk to you. when an away message can be an avoidance...

Then those irritating little acronyms thrown every which way, because of sheer lazyiness: Idk, gtg, lol, sn, aim.
And the time constantly spent on explaining yourself, telling what you meant. Showing actions, writing facial expressions. Trying to type faster than you so-called 'buddy'.

Then there are those people that you feel almost obligated to talk to. They see you online, you see them online, you at least have to mix words right? Then, you don't want to be the person who just stops talking and leaves the other person, posting away, thinking that you hate them because you decided you only wanted to say hi, not start a fucking conversation.

Then the one thing that makes aim so irritating its almost impossible to believe people do it so much...Conversation.
Keeping a conversation going is a difficult skill at sometimes, depending on your 'buddy'. Your buddy might be great a conversation, maybe interesting, fun to talk to for hours. But most 'buddies' have a thing for complete dullness. Call it too many conversations at once, call it busy on the internet, but the truth is, if you have nothing to say...GET OFF LINE.

Then you have those people who never seem to leave, but are never there.You slide you mouse over their name and a pop-up window tells you they've been on for 2 days, yet you've never been able to catch them!

And my final note, I swear to you, this is the end, Away messages are for when you're gone for about 5-20 min. If your gone for 4 hours, or three days, do us all a big favor: LOG OFF! When you see a persons away message you often get the assumption that at some point, THEIR GONNA COME BACK! So if you know your going out of town for the week, and you know your not going to be near a computer anytime soon. JUST GET OFF!

However, the good thing about an AIM is that if you like someone and are too shy to talk to them in person, online is a good way to start. And if your friends are all happy, talkative people, its probably better to talk online than on the phone, since it saves you a lot if they live in another state...but most of the time Aol Instant Messanger is a fucking headache.

Funny thing is...thats all I seem to do on here...Fancy that!

2004-05-14T11:10:00.000-07:00

For once, Just for once I would like to learn to SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!!!!!

2004-05-12T22:47:00.000-07:00

Guy Trouble

Crazy about a guy crazy about someone else
Liking a guy that’s crazy
Loving a guy that doesn’t know how
Trusting a guy that can
Missing a guy I never see
Wanting a guy when it’s hopeless
Smiling at a guy I shouldn't smile at
Crying about them all...

2004-05-11T21:28:00.000-07:00

at home, completely consumed in my own self loathing....I'm sick. My throat hurts, my nose is stuffed up and I KEEP SNEEZING!!! SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!!!

END RANT.

Ok. Seriously, I'm just bored and sickly. I don't get sick often so this is really annoying. It think its my throat that pisses me off the most. Its the whole hurting like a bitch in the morning and dulling at night only to hurt like a bitch in the morning....YAY! Ok. Sorry, but I'm extremely bored.

Everyone's getting their yearbooks tommorow...good for them. Unfortunately, I forgot about yearbooks this year and refuse to pay 85 dollars for a book that I don't really want considering the fact that my picture and quote suck to the point were I don't even want people to see them.

Improve show tommorow night because stuff got stolen and The Rebels need cash. Go to it. Its in the Drama room @7pm...its free, but donations are really needed.

That's about it. Except to say I wish I could stage manage Anne Frank but of course, that whole graduating thing keeps getting in the way.

Sam came to sit with us a lunch today, and I'm pretty sure we scared the crap out of him....oh well. He's a nice guy, but Johnny's jokes just aren't for him. :)

Well that it I guess..later Days.

2004-05-11T16:22:00.000-07:00

Hey! CONGRATS TO THE CAST OF ANNE FRANK!!! Its gonna be awesome. I wish I could help, but I'll come see the show, without a doubt...special congrats go out to:

Hannah-first mainstage...excited much? :)

Justin-HA! Told you Stewart didn't hate you!

George and David-Whoa! look out! The two of you together finally! YES!

Chiara- WOO HOO Way to take the lead, honey!!!

I'll congratuate the rest of you personally, but man! What an awesome cast!

Later Days everyone!

2004-05-11T09:41:00.000-07:00

Hey people. Sorry for the extemely long rant yesterday. I let something little get the best of me. I should be able to control myself by now, but unfortunately, I've got a lot of growing up to do. I only have a few weeks though. Boo..well. Hope to see you all at another time.

2004-05-10T19:16:00.000-07:00

Have I pissed someone off? Why does it feel like everyone hates me today? I feel like I smell or like I've said something mean and everyone's pissed about it. I feel...avoided. ARE PEOPLE AVOIDING ME?

Today sucks, that's all I can say. I hate everything right now. I feel like everyone is pissed at me or something. Am I trying to hard? Am I getting annoying to people? I feel all of the fake smiles today. The one's people give you when they feel obligated to speak to you. I feel like everyone wants to glare at me, but instead they smile, just to pity me for my wrong doing...whatever the hell that is. I'm feeling excluded, like I don't belong, like I'm inferior to everyone that I know and they've all some how realized it all at once. Its like everyone had a secret meeting and said, "Hey know you know what? Ebony's stupid. We shouldn't be seen with her anymore." Then I say hi and everyone remembers this secret little meeting and they see me and fake smile, hoping that maybe that will make me leave them alone because today just isn't the day to be seen with Ebony.

I feel extremely alone. I feel like away messages are put up because I'm online or because I'm just that damn annoying...Maybe I should stop writing in this blog. Maybe I should just shut this shit down and quit telling people what I feel.

Maybe....

2004-05-08T23:52:00.000-07:00

Ahh the Ellies...a loved Theatre tradition...Also, a scary reminder of how much time I have left. I'll miss everyone. I said everything I wanted to say tonight, so I'm done. I love TC and it loves me....That it all.

PS. Taylor is offically my favorite person right now...it takes guts to get up there and tell people your past. There alot of things in my past that people will never hear about. You've got guts kid, alot of guts.

2004-05-06T11:25:00.000-07:00

OK, ok...I was a little wrong about the whole stalker bit...turns out Casey was on my site at Best Buy...I have to admit...I'm a tad disappointed...oh well. ::sigh::

Anyway, I've been completely burned out for the past few days, with having a breakup, having two projects and presentations due this week. I'm really tired and craving sleep. REAL sleep. Not that sleep you get when you sleep on the couch in front or when you fall asleep in class. I mean, real go-to-sleep-in-your-own-bed sleep. But complaining while I'm concious doesn't help...it just makes it more obvious.

Turns out 6 out of 6 people like Coke over Pepsi....I LIKE PEPSI!!!! Sorry everyone.

Now for my next random poll:

Losing Love or Wanting Love and never getting it?

2004-05-04T09:19:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, during Senior Ditch day, I went to Best Buy to play video games with Scott and Dustin. We didn't end up playing video games at all though, we ended up watching TV, looking at Movies and seasons of sitcoms on sell. We finally wandered over to the computers, which had internet access, so I decided to check my site. I typed in "eb" to get started, and the address bar gave me a drop menu with "www.ebs-spot.blogspot.com" at the top. Now, I know there isn't a 'www' at the front of my site as you can see in the address window above, but this proved that someone had tried to access my site in that particular Best Buy at some point that day. It wasn't Scott or Dustin because Dustin didn't have my site, and Scott was with me the whole time. So what do I say to that?...Freaky....

Or maybe I have a Stalker?

COOOOOLLLLL!!!!!!
Later Days

Update:
It seems that I have yet again managed to ruin a relationship and hurt someone. Why do I keep doing it? I don't do it on purpose. Its not his fault. It's never been his fault. It was my fault. My step-dad's fault. My real fathers fault...or maybe its no ones fault....All I know is that is over, and I'm sad but its for the best...I'm too fucked up for a boyfriend anyway.

2004-05-03T09:07:00.000-07:00

Ok, I'm supposed to update about Prom. I'm supposed to say that it was magical and a perfect night, filled with laughter and joy. But I'm not going to say that, because I'm a rebel, and I'm going to tell you the truth. It wasn't worth it. If I could do it all over again, I would've stuck to my original decision to not go. I probably would've had more fun going to a movie and hanging out with friends. After prom was a little funnier. We hung out over Chiara's house. All the girls were wearing their dates jackets (thanks Scott!), and we talked about theatre, theatre, theatre. I love theatre, so there was no problem there. What better way to spend the early morning hours than chatting about theatre in a prom dress and almost too perfect hair?? Anyway, that was Prom....woo hoo. Totally overrated in my opinion.

YAY FOR SENIOR DITCH DAY!!!

2004-04-27T23:20:00.000-07:00

I've been told to update...so I ask all of you:

Pepsi or Coke??

2004-04-25T20:00:00.000-07:00

There's nothing worse than missing a show. Except missing a show you promised you'd go to. I had time to go to a sleepover; I had time to get my letter; I even had time to just sit around and do nothing, but I didn't have time for my friend. I had 4 opportunities to see his show and I was too busy being absorbed in my own little life. I'm sorry Terrel.

Its not even the fact that I let a friend down that bothers me. The fact that I know how he feels is whats so bad. The fact that I know what the feeling you get when you've been in a show and someone didn't see it. You feel like they missed out on something terrific.

I know that I will never see that show with him in it, with the exact cast, with the exact director. The show will never be repeated. Its a one time only thing. People in theatre know what that feelings like. I just feel like crap because I missed a show I should've been at. I didn't get the time right. It was at 2:30 this afternoon, and I thought it was 7:30. I didn't check the time for Sunday. I figured it would be the same at Saturday but I was wrong. The thing thats so bad is that at 2:30 this afternoon, I wasn't even doing anything. I was just sitting at home, trying to figure out something to do....I wasn't even doing anything.

Well, I'm upset now, so I'm going to watch TV....like that can substitute for a show.

Later Days.

2004-04-22T11:50:00.000-07:00

Last night was a good one. :) I'm happy again...yay for me!!

2004-04-20T11:15:00.000-07:00

Boredom is a problem all people deal with. To me, boredom is another type of suffering. When I'm bored I feel like killing myself. Like maybe, just maybe, that would be less boring. That would cease my pain and I would be transported to a land without boredom, filled with things do to...

Ever read "Waiting For Godot"? That book is the essence of boredom. The two main character are waiting for their associate Godot. Why are they waiting? They don't know. They just are. So they while they wait, they find ways to entertain themselves, which basically means, they sit around and talk about nothing in particular. See...essence of boredom. I know there's an existential point in all of that, you know, symbolism and things like that, but seriously, who wants to sit around and read about bored people?

Anyway, My boredom is irritating. I can't even think. Intelligent thought is no longer possible. I cant even sit straight. I keep moving around like an ADD kid...no offence to any ADD people that may be reading this, but the only people that read this are my friends (and some loser that won't live his name) and most of them don't have ADD.

Later Days!

2004-04-20T10:47:00.000-07:00

I have found a way to control my site. Everyone Cheer!. Anyway, I've got a major headache this wonderful morning, but I'm still pretty happy since I got to wear my PJ's to school. I like spirit days. I like dressing up for no real reason. It gives me a chance to be some what creative...if I feel like it. Today is an okay day, nothing being done because Theatre is over for right now until the "variety show" Idlers talking about. She said she'll get something on paper soon, but I'm still confused as of now. Thinking about doing a spotlight...any good ideas?

Later Days!

2004-04-18T12:18:00.000-07:00

Good Morning bloggy! I'm a bit tired, but I'm happy tired. Me and Scott went to the ASU Improv festival last night. It was great. We saw Tim, Ty, and Chuck, but we didn't talk to them...in fact, we kind of avoided them. Anyway, they had some serious comedy. (Death: Your anti-drug :) ) hehe...anyway, I had fun with Scott last night. Where we are in the relationship thing..not really sure. Ask him. :)....Anyway, it was a great night. And for all you losers that went to MORP...HAHAHAHA UNDERCLASSMEN!!! thought I should put that out there.

Later Days Folks.

2004-04-16T09:05:00.000-07:00

Okay. I've tried to be mature....I've even tried being slightly immature...but this shit is ridiculous. Some asshole is saying some seriously dumb shit in my comment part....My mother always told me not to let prejudice people get to me,but fuck it.....YOU'VE PISSED ME OFF!! I want to tell you that if I EVER find out who this is (and it's probably Taylor because I didn't start getting these stupid messages until you told me you read my page) I swear on everything that I own I'm going to kick your ass. I'm dead serious. Don't play with me. I have nothing to lose. I've never been suspended before and I can use a few days off. Plus I'm really stressed right now and I would love to release some tension. So for your own safety, stop commenting and don't visit my site again otherwise I'll shut this thing down and I really don't want to do that. But if people are going to start disrespecting me because I'm black or because you think I'm stupid, I'll shut this down and start a new one, one that will be private, and I won't have to hear you stupid fucking comments. So leave me the FUCK alone.

On a lighter note: I got asked to prom yesterday and I've got a show tonight, so hopefully my mood will get better. Sorry for the obscene language, but I'm really heated right now and I'm pissed off because I'm pretty sure I know who's doing this and frankly I'm a bit hurt by it. Especially if this person is supposed to be my friend.

2004-04-13T23:24:00.000-07:00

For all of the crushes I've ever had, and for the ones to come:

I’m sorry
I’m sorry I never said anything
I’m sorry I let fear get in the way
I’m sorry that I lied to you
I’m sorry you had to pay

I’m sorry If I said too much
I’m sorry if I said to little
I’m sorry if I worried, my crush
I’m sorry that loves like a riddle

I’m sorry for letting age get in the way
I’m sorry that I backed out
I’m sorry if I made a big deal today
I’m sorry I cried throughout

I’m sorry if I put too much in your hands
I’m sorry for not wanting the burden
I’m sorry for thinking to much forma glance
I’m sorry for all the hurtin’

I’m sorry if I made you feel worse than you should
I’m sorry I was too nervous that speak
I’m sorry if this poems no good
I’m sorry for this poem, I stink

2004-04-11T00:16:00.000-07:00

I am a night owl. As everyone else starts going to sleep, I begin to awake and roam the internet. Is it insomnia?? I doubt it..I get plenty of sleep in Donahue's class. But I do tend to wake up at night and hate waking up during the hours without two digits in the morning. From 4 to 10 in the morning I like to be completely out of reach to the awake world. Not that I hate mornings necessarily. Mornings are pretty. I like the sunrise and how its always cooler in the morning, but if I could experience it at about 2:30 in the morning after a wonderful night of internet surfing or dancing or however I occupy my time, I feel that would be a great way to go to sleep.

The funny thing is that I'm afraid of the dark. Only when I'm in the house. I know that's weird, but when I'm outside in the dark I'm extremely comfortable, but inside I start freaking out. I start thinking that unrecognizable shadows just have to be something evil that's trying to kill me. I've always been deathly afraid of ghost.

I remember when I was younger I used to think there was a ghost that stood right outside my door because of the particular shadow that loomed there. I'd move things to get rid of the freaky looking shadow/ghost/demon thing, but it never went away. So finally I resorted to closing my door every night, no matter how hot it would get in the summer.

I traumatized myself? Yeah, probably. But I still won't go to sleep with my door open.

P.S.
Want to know how many people read your blog? Write an extremely brief post! :)

2004-04-10T00:54:00.000-07:00

I’m letting him go…. I know I’m doing the right thing but, damn, is it supposed to be this hard??

Later Days.

2004-04-07T21:18:00.000-07:00

From now on, when I don't have anything good to say, I'm going to post my IM's that I have with friends. This is me totally taking a joke WAY too far. I'm pretty sure I pissed her off. Sorry Meg. I got carried away.:( This is my public apology. THIS IS HOW BAD I CAN GET PEOPLE!

Me-dawnearly.....Megan: Towerup

Towerup: you care too much

dawnearly: eh..what can I say...I'm a caring person

dawnearly: HAHAHAHAHAHAH

dawnearly: I almost said that without smiling

Towerup: dont believe the hype

dawnearly: ::sigh::.

Towerup: someday you truely will

dawnearly: ::sigh::

Towerup: if someday ever comes

dawnearly: ::sigh::

Towerup: stop sighing dammit

dawnearly: ::SIGH:: BITCH!!

Towerup: fuck you!!!

dawnearly: ::SIGH:: BITCH! ::SIGH::

Towerup: whatever

dawnearly: this is bullshit. I can't even sigh anymore...and you say I'm mean.

Towerup: Is that the only problem you have

dawnearly: at least I'd let you sigh if you wanted to

Towerup: yeah

Towerup: right

Towerup: Your rubing off on me

dawnearly: go ahead megan....SIGH AWAY!!!

Towerup: *rubbing

dawnearly: I don't care.

dawnearly: I won't stiffle your need to sigh

dawnearly: go on

Towerup: I have nothing to sigh about

dawnearly: sigh damnit

dawnearly: do it now!

dawnearly: SIGH!!!!

dawnearly: That's what I though

dawnearly: *thought

Towerup: huh

dawnearly: you can't even sigh without screwing it up.

Towerup: I HAVE NOTHING TO SIGH ABOUT

dawnearly: sure

dawnearly: whatever

dawnearly: you don't know how to sigh do you

Towerup: I DO IT ALL THE FUCKIN TIME

dawnearly: you have diffuculty sighing in front of others or something??

Towerup: NOW LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE

dawnearly: go on Megan, sigh...if you can.

dawnearly: I'm playing....you know that right?

I truly suck.

2004-04-06T20:13:00.000-07:00

dawnearly: I'm trying to stay away from the xanga and blog of mine...I feel that I'm getting obsessed.

HappyGirly456: haha

HappyGirly456: When you get to posting 3 or more posts a day then your obsessed

dawnearly: yeah...I see your point, but I'm getting to the point were I'm not writing anything worth reading, so I figured I needed to take a break...

dawnearly: About my blog/xanga....I bet I don't last a week. I'm hoping I don't update for at least until Friday, unless something interesting happends.

HappyGirly456: good luck :-)

dawnearly: thanx

~*~*~Less than an hour later~*~*~

dawnearly: Damnit....I'm going to post....

HappyGirly456: haha

dawnearly: I have no self control
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So here I am, blogging away. I lasted for two days right? Anyway, My mother's hours just got changed so she'll be working from 3 to Midnight for the next 9 weeks. I know i shouldn't be happy but....I'M ESTATIC!!! My mother and I often argue, so her absence won't be missed much on my behalf.

What is it about blogging that is so addictive? Some people post once a week, others once a month, but people like me feel the need to update every single day, multiple times if nessesary.

Is it boredom? Is it the need to tell others your feelings? Is it the thought that you may get away with making yourself feel intelligent and interesting?

I'm not sure, but when I'm on here blogging about blogging its not making myself sound any less strange. So I'll end this by saying, See you tommorrow!

Later Days!

2004-04-04T17:23:00.000-07:00

This is the last time I'm updating for awhile because I'm going to be busy and I need time to focus on important things...like sleep. :) Anyway, found this quiz thing on Laur's site and decided to do it. Update: My comments weren't working for a while but they are now, Thanks for the heads up Meg!

Name Four Bad Habits You Have:
1. biting my nails
2. cussing(not so much anymore)
3. being overly sarcastic
4. being jealous

Name Four Things That You Wish You Had:
1. a car
2. a rich boyfriend :)
3. my licence (I know...it's sad)
4. the knowledge to understand Physics

Name Four Scents You Love:
1. oranges
2. coffee
3. soap
4. mints

Name Four Things You'd Never Wear:
1. stretch pants in public
2. a racoon hat
3. anything that said, "I suck" on it
4. that "I did justin three times" shirt that Justin has on his site.

Name Four Things You Are Thinking About Now:
1. Why it took me so long to figure out what to put for the other question
2. the fact that I have a splinter on my index finger and am procrastinating to take it out.
3. why I'm really doing this quiz thing anyway.
4. the one-act I have to write that I haven't started.

Name Four Things That You Have Done Today:
1. Went to Village Inn
2. Returned a movie late and didn't get charged for it cause the guy at the counter thinks I'm cute.
3. got online and checked people pages
4. changed twice

Name the Last Four Things You Have Bought:
1. food at IHOP
2. Lipbalm
3. socks
4. two shirts

Name Four Drinks You Regularly Drink:
1. Juice
2. Sprite
3. Water
4. um...tap water from school?

Last Song You Sang?
- "Toxic" by Britney Spears (it's been stuck in my head for weeks)

Last Person You Hugged?
- Scott

Last Thing You Laughed At?
- Something Johnny did

Last Time You Said 'I Love You' And Meant It?
-To my friend Quin about a year ago

Last time you cried?
-yesterday

What's In Your CD Player?
- Justin Timberlake, Justified

What Color Socks Are You Wearing?
-I'm not wearing socks.

What's Under Your Bed?
-Anything my dog felt like dragging under there in the last two weeks

What Time Did You Wake Up Today?
-Twelve Thirty

Current Taste?
- Um...my saliva

Current Hair?
-up in a clip with some parts hanging in my face

Current Clothes?
-green sweatshirt and blue capris

Current Annoyance?
-the temperature of this house.

Current Longing?
-something to do...perferably theatre wise.

Current Desktop Picture?
-Home computer: Black background
-Labtop: the Stage with the Nerd set on it

Current Worry?
-I'll screw up and quit college

Current Hate?
-Graduation

Favorite Physical Feature Of The Opposite Sex?
-eyes

Last CD You Bought?
-Ha ha...bought? Hmm...Bow Wow Unleashed (don't laugh)

Favorite Place To Be?
-in the auditorium on stage

Least Favorite Place?
-home

If You Could Play An Instrument?
-Guitar

Favorite Color?
-red

Current Favorite Word/Saying?
-"Its Craptacular."

Favorite Season?
-Summer

One Person From Your Past You Wish You Could Go Back And Talk To:
-Zach Williams

Favorite Day of the Week:
-Wednesday

Where Would You Like To Go?
-Jamaica

What Is Your Career Going To Be Like?
-Fun, but challenging

How Many Kids Do You Want?
-HA...kids...funny.

Favorite Car?
-One that moves when I put the ignition key in it.

A Random Lyric:
"These chicks don't even know the name of my band; but they're all on me like they wanna hold hands; cause once I blow they know that I'll be the man; all because I'm the lead singer of my band; my band, my band, my band, my band, my band, my band, my band, my band, my baaaaannnnddddd........"- D12, My Band

2004-04-03T11:27:00.000-07:00

At IHOP, everyone is laughing, joking, watching Johnny scare the shit out of me, and staring at Lauren. Then Lauren says sarcastically, "You know, I'm happy this is the last IHOP of the year!" and it hit me....this was my last IHOP with TC...EVER. Then the waterworks started. Instead of doing the Dawson's Creek thing and start saying through tears," I love you guys so much. I'm going to miss everyone." And ruinning IHOP for all those happy campers, I had Karin escort me outside to calm down. I had a great time and that's what made me so sad. In fact, I'm not going to write anything else because I'm tearing up right now just thinking about this and that tonights the last show. So I'll save my tears until the coat ceremony (hopefully) and then cry and hug all of you. Sorry that I became uncharacteristically girlie and lost control over my emotions. Sorry if I worried anyone for even a second. Sorry that I won't be here next year. :)....Later Days

Most annoying phrase said by Johnny: "AND THE LORD SAID!!!!" (imaging this being whispered loudly in your ear by a British kid)

2004-04-01T22:45:00.000-07:00

Today was overall a good one. Most of my pranks went over well, so I'm quite please. Though Johnny, and the rest of the male's in the Couch Potato cast, thought it would be the perfect time to scare the crap out of me everytime I had a waking moment to myself, I enjoyed it. So I guess I'll try my hand at some poetry. This is my poem. If you don't like reading poems online...well....don't. Okay seriously...This is my poem.

Smiling and Laughing.

I wish I could laugh forever
and I wish I could smile forever too
For smiling is a joy
and laughter is great
But I can’t smile forever
Because then I would only smile
And I can't laugh forever
Because then I would only laugh
So I hope I can laugh for now
then smile later
so I can remember today

Okay, I know...lame. But I swear I write better than that. I haven't had time to put my good stuff on here...Maybe I shall.....

Later Days.

2004-04-01T10:54:00.000-07:00

Happy April fools day everyone! This is perhaps my favorite holiday, or just day according to the cast of Couch Potato, but who cares there all underclassmen....yeah, I said it :).

Anyway, My first prank backfired completely when the most important people (the cast) FORGOT about the plan. Idiots :). But my next prank is in full effect as of right now.

As I type, Justin is upset and in search of his beloved hat. Little does he know that, I, The Prankmaster Ebony, has taken the beloved hat and given it to a new party, Ms. Karin Dennis.
Now, during AC lab today, Mr Hawn left his hat carelessly on his bag. Since he had occupied himself with music, I decided to steal the hat and hide it. Phase one was complete.
Then, the fire alarm rang. I took the hat with me, originally planning to wear the hat near Mr. Hawn, for him to spot it and be upset having been fooled.
But, a better opportunity arose after spotting Ms. Dennis. I quickly gave the beloved hat to Ms. Dennis to give back to Mr. Hawn at lunch. Completely satisfied with the success of my plan so far, I headed back to class.
When Mr. Hawn realized the hat was missing, I played my part perfectly as I (for once) kept a straight face when saying, "No, I haven't seen it.".

I have to say, I'm proud of my self. Being juvenile is fun! :)...Maybe later I'll tell you if my gum-laced-with-laundry-powder will work. :)...Later Days!

2004-03-30T12:20:00.000-07:00

Wanna see stick figures kick some ass??GO HERE!!!

2004-03-30T09:24:00.000-07:00

That's strange....Was I sleep walking???

2004-03-27T13:35:00.000-07:00

Graduation....It plagues me. I'm supposed to be happy, right? I'm supposed to be looking forward to my new life, with new friends, and new found freedom. But am I? No, in fact...I'm terrified.

I'M GRADUATING? ME?? I don't feel ready, I don't feel old enough, I feel like I've got one more year left in me to make things right, to make a better impression, to get closer to people I just met. But I don't have one more year. I only have 2 months! That's not enough! That just not enough!

I don't like high school, but I feel like my high school experience is just started. Is it my fault I moved? Is it my fault I didn't know what I wanted? Is it my fault that I didn't make the most out of every moment?

Theatre is my life. I mean, I live and breath theatre. It's the reason why I wake up in the morning, the reason why I do my homework, the reason why I haven't quit on myself. I found something that I wouldn't give up for the world. Not for money, not for boys, not even for a marriage proposal from (insert famous hot guy here), I wouldn't give it up. Now, I found a place I can do theatre, and share it with people who love it as much as I do, and now I have to leave. I HATE THIS! I really don't know what I'm going to do without TC. I didn't even have it for long and I have to let it go.

Sure, there will be other theatre companies and such in college, but their not going to know about DC Pierson, the greatest actor alive. And it won't have Mike, or Lauren, or Hannah, or Scott, or Justin, or Katie T, or any of the people I care about.

I mean, who's going to know what the coat means, or who's going to know about Eldridge, or about the Dr. Pepper can, or how much fun it is to eat in the make-up room during set days, or how nobody understands what Katie and Kenzie are talking about when they say, "George, She landed!"?

Who's going to care that Ty can't dance, or that Jaclyn makes people laugh, or that Idler gets snappy during rehearsals, or that even though morning rehearsal suck, there worth waking up for, or how much One-Act's kick ass?

College doesn't have TC...and I don't want to leave it behind...

Sure, most people don't realize what they have until its gone. I have realized what I have with this Theatre Company everyday since I joined. I've never taken it for granted. And now I know its going to be gone soon, and its killing me. Everytime I go to a meeting, I know its going to be one of my last. After the Nerd, I knew it would be my last mainstage. Everytime I wake up and go to school I realize it just closer to the end.

I wish I didn't know. I wish I didn't have time to prepare. I wish it would just be taken from me without me knowing, so that I could be sad and move on. Now, I have to sit here and wait for the end. I have to sit at the bus stop afterschool thinking,.Damn...another day gone... If I don't say it later, because in person I'm not so sentimental. I miss all of you already. I regret knowing that someday I will forget some of your last names, forget the way you looked, forget your laughs. But just know that I'll always remember the spirit of TC forever...

2004-03-26T23:53:00.000-07:00

There's a werid guy named Bill that comes to my apartments every so often and gives away free bread and other things for cheap. He talks like he's on speed, but he's a nice guy. Today, he tried to sell us some clothes he got from an apartment were the tenants got evicted. Needless to say we didn't by anything, but it was kind of fun to watch him ramble on about how nice the clothes were. We did take some bread from him though. He says its Brazillian, but who knows! He's a good person and I thought he should be mentioned. That is all.

2004-03-26T21:46:00.000-07:00

My mother has decided that she is going to read over my shoulder, no matter how rude she has told me that it is. Even, though she knows this is what I consider personal, she decides that she wants to bother me. This is the really fun part. Now she's talking on the phone, criticizing me to someone that I don't know, and expects me not to be upset. She's telling me how I'm so private and how Im always in her business, but any of you that know me no that....I DON'T TALK ABOUT HER!!...Sorry, I usually don't like to complain, but when people purposely bother me, its hard to put down anything positive. I'm not going to lie. I don't usually.....DAMNIT...Okay, I have to set the scene up for you really quick. We were in the middle of watching a movie. She gets a phone call. She decides her phone call is more important than the movie, so I let her talk while I continued watching it. Then she tells me to pause it because she wants to see it too. If she really did want to see it, she would just get OFF the phone. So I paused it and got on the internet. Now I'm still here, she just got off the phone and she just turned on the movie, like I didn't want to watch it. Now, I'm a serious movie watcher. When I watch them, I don't want any interruptions, no pauses, no rewinds. Now she forced me to pause it and now she turns it off before I can get off of the internet, meaning I'm going to miss something...which PISSES ME OFF!! Now, usually I would've just stopped this post in mid-sentence and got right back to the movie, but my mother doesn't know how to use a DVD player and she went back two chapters and I'm not going to help her just so that I can finish this post. So later days people. Hopefully later tonight in a less shitty mood.

2004-03-25T18:38:00.000-07:00

HELLZ YEAH!!! I, Ebony, am the best computer technician EVER!!! I managed to fix my internet this glorious afternoon which means now I'm back at home and no longer will need to use the school's G-rated internet, weak-ass internet.

Nothing else really happened I just wanted to give myself a pat on the back.(pat,pat)....Later Days!

2004-03-24T08:08:00.000-07:00

Well, the last 24 hours I have put my 10 year old computer to rest, gained a hate for Windows 95 and ALL Mac’s, been in a relationship, been asked to prom, and found out I passed a physics Test.

My poor ancient computer was laid to rest yesterday as it broke down while I was online on MTV listening to “This Love”. If this isn’t an example of how MTV is evil, you haven’t been looking. Anyway, I tried to fix it and it took three hours, but the Internet won’t work. YEAH!!!GO WINDOWS 95!

Also, I’ve managed to be in and out of a relationship in 10 hours. That has got to be a record. Up to date, my shortest relationship had been a week, but this one has to take the cake. But hey, some things aren’t meant to be….or meant to be long, anyway, :)

Anyway, yesterday, I got asked to prom. The thing about it was, I wasn’t surprised. I had a feeling he would ask me. Too bad I’m not going. It was cool last year, but not something I’d do again for the outrageous amount of money spent on it.

I PASSED A PHYSICS TEST!!! Since I suck at physics, this was great. I wanted to applaud myself for getting a B and not having to retake it. So (applause, applause). Yay Me!!

One Acts are fun. And I’m actually not all that upset about Morning rehearsal, because, let’s face it: If I have to be up early, I might as well be up losing improv games, watching Justin hit his head on the floor, and Hannah getting mad. :)

So, all and all, interesting few days, and I’m still smilin’. :)

Late

2004-03-22T08:03:00.000-07:00

Okay, its really too early to post, but here I am! I just wanted to say that I got 2 hours of sleep because of a book report. The thing that's so great about it is that I haven't finished the book. I was too busy. But it seems that God has found something he likes about me because even though I haven't finished reading it, my teacher hasn't read it at all. How is it that she owns this book and as never read it? Teachers are weird sometimes. Downside of today: Morning rehearsal and I missed the bus. Plus side of Today: Morning rehearsal because I missed everyone and I had a lovely walk. :)

In other news, apparently "Relationships and Dating" is actually a chapter in College Prep. We had to take notes about passionate relationships, compassionate relationships, love and lust....the list goes on. Why did we do this?? I have no clue. Perhaps the faculty believe that the youth are so immature that they have to be taught the definition of love and lust, and why to marry. OR perhaps they just couldn't find anything better to teach the day after spring break. Who knows and quite frankly who cares?

And in even more news, I had the guts to tell the person I liked that I liked him. I feel pretty good about it. I, Ebony, can now officially say that I have guts. Sure, I studdered my way through the rest of the conversation, but hey, you gotta start somewhere. :)

2004-03-21T13:10:00.000-07:00

Okay, first and foremost, my friend Megan, just got a site and Lauren's is "no longer public" so everyone go to Megan's and forget Lauren cause she blocked everyone out....BOO LAUREN!

Okay, I'm done. Last night I spent the night over Megan's house and I began to realize something...I don't get out much. The last time I spent the night at someone else's house was in October, and again it was Megan. I guess I'm a bit of a loner...Oh well, that's life I guess.

Anyway, Meg's been my friend since I can remember (which is the 4th grade, since my memory is sucks...actually, that might not even be right.) But anyway I've known her since forever and she's always been there for me. Even, when I was a bitch for like 4 years ( I was an evil child, trust me, the Ebony you know now is MUCH nicer). Even when I moved to Cali and back. I had to find her though, because we lost contact.

I looked through the phone book for and hour at first, then said screw it because she has the last name of "Smith". Do you have any idea how many Smith's there are in Phoenix? I searched for an hour and I didn't finish. I got tired of people hanging up on me pissed off for interrupting their TV time. Then I ran into an old friend of mine who told me that she lived in Queen Creek. Now my only problem was to find out if she was listed or not. Luckily, There were only about 5 Smith's in Queen Creek. So I called all of them and I was at the last one and I was just about to say screw it again, and then she picked up. I couldn't believe I found her. THANK GOD FOR THE PHONE BOOK! So since then we've been pretty close. We hang out, hit each other, we even laugh at ugly people. Good Times :).

Well, this post was really long again(sorry), but I'm just going to say that is awesome to have a friend that will hangout with you after you looked them up in the phone book like a stalker.

And go to Megan's page to say hi because she doesn't know anyone doing this right now.

(by the way ,Mike ,Megan is the girl I told you about that thought you were hot! :) )

2004-03-20T21:14:00.000-07:00

Okay, enough with my melodramatic posts. Now I shall speak about some fun stuff. YEAH FOR LINES!!!! I've got about 60% of them done, but now I have to do the homework that I have neglected for the last week. The wonderfully boring book, Thank You For Smoking, has to be finished my Sunday and I'm only half way through it. I haven't even started on my set design project for Drama (sorry Stewart!), but I have memorized most of my lines, so yay for me!

I spent most of my spring break at home, tanning my legs (yes, black people tan), and sleeping and swimming. It has all been very relaxing, but it's time for school now, so back to the new routine which involve morning rehearsals(thanks Scott) and after school rehearsals. So, I should enjoy the time spent at home because it looks like I'll never see it again. So yay for drama for keeping me busy until the middle of April. After that, I have to do the thing I've been procrastinating about for a long time....GETTING A JOB. I don't really want a job, but I do want to go to college and college requires money, money I don't have, money that a job will supply. So after April, if anybody knows of any good jobs, let me know.

Late.

2004-03-20T01:31:00.000-07:00

Hey guess what!Lauren , the freshman, is a smart kid....funny too.

2004-03-20T00:02:00.000-07:00

I have a problem. And every morning when I wake up, I think about the same thing, and the same person. I dream about it. I ponder about it. Its weird. It’s kind of like I’m in this daze, completely calm in my own world with this problem. It’s something I can fix, but I won’t because I’m just too chicken shit to. Afraid of change. Afraid of embarrassment. I’ve been living with this little problem for about three weeks now and I’ve actually become accustom to it. Its really weird. I mean, usually problems eat me up inside. Freak me out. Ruin my concentration. But lately, I’ve kind of said, Oh well, I’ve got a problem. I guess I’ll just live with it then and that’s not me.

I don’t keep problems around, but this one I really feel like I should just let it stay. In the back of my mind I keep telling myself, Just do it, it can’t be that bad. You’ll regret it forever if you don’t, just like Zach, remember? Then, another part of my mind is saying, "Come on, Ebs. Your setting yourself up for failure. Don’t do this. You don’t have a chance. Doing it will just make you feel stupid and ashamed all over again, remember Sedrick?. Both make disturbingly good points. But then there’s the part that’s winning. The part I’m listening to for now: "Just wing it. Don’t do anything right now, no rush, you’ve got two months."

Two Months. I’ve got to months to do something or nothing, both leading to a personal hell. But then again, it could be something I tell my kids later in life. I could say, "When I was your age I had the same problem, and you know what I did? I walked right up to that boy and said exactly what I wanted to say…" The kids would beam at me and say, "Really grandma? You did that? Wow, you were brave…"

Unfortunately, when it comes to the opposite sex, I’ve never been quote on quote "brave". I’ve always been the one to chicken out. Look away. Avoiding them. Never say what I should say, or worse, never saying anything at all. Letting the person drift away and out of my life, then looking back saying, "Dammit, I should’ve told him. I should have smiled when he smiled at me. I should’ve hugged him when I wanted to. I should’ve kissed him when I had the chance."

Plus, I always feel unworthy. I always think, sure, I like him, but he doesn’t like me, why would he? I have confidence issues, I know, but too many times have I gone out on a limb and totally screwed myself over. Too many times I’ve had to watch guys look down at there feet, smiles fade, and get uncomfortable. I really hate that part. The part where they say, "OH…well…um…wow…." It always goes down hill from that. Nothings ever the same, and I’m stuck feeling like the idiot who would’ve been better off not saying anything at all.

This time is hard , because this guy is my friend. I’ve done the whole liking-your-friend bit already and I’ve gotten over it, but me and the guy I liked at the time, have never been the same. Everything changed when I told him I loved him. And truthfully, I’m not sure things will ever be the same between me and him…but that’s another story for another time. The guy I like now, is my friend, a good one. One that I hope I don’t lose contact with after high school. One that I want to stay friend with, and I know that if I cross that line the rest of this year is going to be hell. But then again high school is ending really soon. And I’m running out of time.

So I’m giving myself a time limit. I’ll try to be brave and not afraid to say, "I like you". I’m really hoping I can do it.

Sorry this is so long! :(

2004-03-17T17:38:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine sent me this in an email:

A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty, he said no.
She asked him would he want to be with her forever and he said no.
She then asked him if she were to leave him, would he cry and once again he replied with a no.
She had heard enough. As she walked away, tears streaming down her face the boy grabbed her arm and said, "You are not pretty. Your beautiful. I don't want to be with you forever, I NEED to be with you forever. And I wouldn't cry if you left me...I'd die.

WHERE THE HELL IS THIS GUY!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Okay, I'm going to write my first quote on quote "controversial" post.

Subject: Interracial couples.

A friend of mine recently had a run in with a problem. She is black and she liked a guy who was Hispanic/White. They had been talking on the phone all the time for awhile and she thought that maybe they would start dating. What was his response? "I'm not racist or anything, but...your black."

Now, This upset me for a while (actually, I was thrown into shock for a few seconds because lets face it: To get turned down is one thing, but to be turned down because of your race really burns deep.), but after a few days of thinking about the situation, it scared me. Has our country gone as far as we had hoped?

I have no doubt that this kid isn't a racist, but the fact that the only reason was her race was enough to make me question my own thoughts on the subject. Did I think interracial relationships are okay? Would I risk it and ask someone out that isn't my race? Would I wimp out like this guy did?

I have been attracted to people that are outside of my race, but I have never pursued it. I've always felt that it wouldn't work out, or the person probably wasn't interested in me anyway because lets face it, most people stay within their own race. But I wonder, how many times has someone held back their feelings because of their race? How many times has someone not told their friends who they liked for fear that they will be laughed at or looked at weird?

Then, I think about those who have decided to beat the odds and go for it. What kinds of problems do they run into? Do their parents react weird? I know for a fact that everytime I tell my mom I'm interested in someone, the first thing out of her mouth is, "Is he black?". But, I can't blame my mother. She grew up in a different time(60's and 70's). And it's not like my mother is a racist either because she's dated white men before and she tells me that its just too hard to be in an interracial relationship. But is it really? Or was she just not strong enough to do it? How strong do you have to be?

I'm interested in someone outside of my race. I am now hesitant because I'm now afraid of the fatal words, "but...your black". Though I doubt that that would be the reason for me to be turned down, it is a possibility and its freaking me out.

2004-03-16T18:47:00.000-07:00

[Currently Listening To: Britney Spears"Toxic"] ( the rebellion begins, Justin, the rebellion begins...)

This should be fairly short, but I just want to note a few things:

1. Most theatre kids can't dance (to my amusement :) )

2. Circle Platforms are heavy.

3. Screws can burn you.

4. Spin the bottle can be played with other things like...oh I don't know...a dustpan! (I'm on to you all.)

5. It's possible to screw a screw into a British guy's shoe and have everyone sign it.

6. Lace can be used in a number of ways

7. David will probably become a rapist on accident.

8. Justin makes random penis references on his blog. Check it out.

9. Ryan's hat is fun to hide

10. Don't run on tile (you'll probably fall...not that I did or anything. :) )

11. Don't strip screws, because then George will have to take a crowbar to it

12. Again, I reiterate, most theatre kids can't dance

13. If you ever think about buying something called "Grapple" that's supposed to look like an apple and taste like a grape, don't do it because it's a rip off and the thing will look like an apple and taste like a damn apple too.

That is all. LATE

2004-03-15T19:35:00.000-07:00

Thirteen hundred dollars. Thirteen Hundred dollars to take the trip I would've remembered for the rest of my life.Thirteen hundred dollars to see things I will probably never see. Meet people I would never meet. All for Thirteen hundred dollars.

But, did I have thirteen hundred dollars? No, of course not.

But guess who did?
Guess who had that type of money to give to me?
Guess who has never been in my life and now decided he wanted to help?
Any takers??

MY FATHER!! MY REAL FATHER!! He tells me today, "Oh thirteen hundred dollars? You should have told me. I would have given it to you."

Now, I want to let you in on how well I know my father. I saw him once when I was 5 and never heard from the guy again. Then, all of a sudden, after about...oh I don't know, TWELVE YEARS, he decides he wants to be apart of my life. Turns out the guy's a tax attorney, with his fucking PhD. He's paid for ALL of his son's college education, but I've been sitting here, broke-as-fuck, trying to debate whether or not I want my contact fluid or lunch for the next week.

So, he calls today, something he just started doing last September, I say, "Yeah, there's this trip to NYC people are going on in drama tomorrow..." and then he gives me that bullshit remark.

So my attitude today: TOTALLY FUCKED!!!

2004-03-11T10:33:00.000-07:00

Shows, Shows, Shows

I just got the role of Cleopatra in Tina's One Act Ruling Passion.

Hopefully I'll look like this:

Instead of this:

Cleopatra COMIN AT YA! (that one's for you Chiara) :)

Once again,it seems like I have bitten off more than I can chew. I love theatre with a passion, but I have a feeling it will be the death in me. Once again my love for auditions have lured me into yet another show. Most people don't think being in 2 shows and stage managing one is alot, but for me, who's gotten used to being an extra, it a crap load. My spring break will now be taken up by memorizing and reading this book for College Prep. Not that I really mind, I just have the sudden feeling that I am going to screw up and ruin someone's show. Pray for me this week.

So if we are speaking, and I start reciting lines for no real reason, just acknowledge it and move on.

Late.

2004-03-09T20:41:00.000-07:00

This moment is a rare one. Finally, my mother has found someone to go somewhere with, leaving me....HOME ALONE!!! I love being home alone. It seems that every time anyone is here is always so loud. I mean, my mother has to be doing something involving some sort of noise or distraction. The truth is, I get enough constant noise and loudness at school. When I finally come home, I want to rest. Not listen to loud Stevie Wonder music, or TV commercials, or her yelling into the phone at someone. I want silence. I know it must sound weird, for me, the child, to be beating on the parents room door screaming, "QUIET I'M TRYING TO READ!" But I'm pretty weird, so my home life can be no exception.

Auditions for Couch Potato

Today was my first Official day of Stage Managing. I got to pick up papers, hand-out papers, keep papers, sort papers, and throw away papers. Tonight, I get to make an attendance sheet, which is made out of paper, something I will probably hate by the end of this show.

Our cast is pretty good. Thank God Erik decided not to audition, not that he would've been considered for a role anyway. I'm actually pretty happy I had a say in who got casted because that's what I want to do for the rest of my life: be a Casting Director. It should be great fun and the fact that I can sit and watch auditions millions of times without throwing something makes me extremely qualified for the job. The only thing I'm a little disappointed about is the fact that I didn't get to see the person who got the lead audition. I wasn't around at the time and I missed it, which means I missed our most important characters audition, so I'm kind of going in a little blind, but I trust Scott's judgment and our lead is talented so I'm not worried. I just would have liked to see it, you know....Actually this is strange. I have seen a good 60 people audition in the last 2 weeks and I'm actually complaining about missing one....I am so a Casting Director.

I can't say who the lead is yet because the list isn't posted yet, so you should all know by 8am tomorrow morning anyway. :)

Late.

P.S Morning rehearsal are going to suck!...That Is All.

2004-03-06T16:01:00.000-07:00

Set Day was fun today. It lasted as long as a regular school day, but the time flew by. I had a lot of fun considering the fact that I did more manual labor than I've done in about a year. It was great though. Me, Scott, Alex, Hannah and Lauren spent like 4 hours trying to build a simple archway. It was embarrassing, and it didn't even get finished (we ended up taking it apart about 4 times), but I had great fun struggling with it.

Shout Out's to people that made set day wonderful:

Scott-for helping me find stuff to do
Lauren-for stupid jokes (What do you call a cow in Alaska?...An eski-moo! :) )
Justin-for teaching Jason how to cut wood, who then showed me. (plus Justin just rocks anyway. :) )
Hannah- for keeping Lauren in line...as much as possible anyway.
Alex- for cursing the crappy wood
Mike- for putting on the purple earring (Classic :) )

And last but not least, David M for helping me do a handstand! You ROCK!

That's all for today. LATE.

2004-03-05T19:43:00.000-07:00

I auditioned for a One Act yesterday.

AND I GOT IN!!!! I didn't think I'd get in, so it was funny for me to be the last person that found out I was casted. I got a good part too. Who do I play, you ask? I've forgotten. It seems that in my excitement, I rushed to go cheer idiotically in the comfort of my home and forgot to check exactly who I was playing. So, all I know is that it's a married woman and that it's a good role, via Mrs. Idler. So, YEAH FOR ME!!!!

In other news, set day tomorrow early and a barbecue later. Hopefully I won't break anything at either of these events. Tonight? Watching TV and searching the web for "The Lottery" hoping I can find the script online.

Later.

2004-03-01T17:47:00.000-07:00

HAPPY MARCH!!! I love march. March is the month after February, my most hated month, which, actually, wasn't all that bad this year. Anyway. March is just about my favorite month in the world. In March, it gets warm, St. Patricks Day is in this month (one of the few holidays that don't require you to have a significant other), and my favorite thing of all...green. Oh how I love green. It doesn't look good on me, but its really pretty to look at...At least I think so. So this is my first March entry, it is short, but it won't be the last. for the month of march I've decided my site will be green...HAPPY MARCH!

2004-02-28T22:35:00.000-07:00

Telling someone you like them is alot like Russian Roulette.

You feel that rush, when you put the gun to your head, feeling the blood pumping in your veins.(when you are about tell the guy).

You hesitate to pull the trigger (right before the words,"I like you" leave your mouth), because you know that when you pull it, nothing will be the same.

Then you do it, and his reaction is the bullets reaction. He says he likes you back, you live. If he says he doesn't, you've blown your brains out, totally ruining the relationship you had with him forever.

I hate Russian Roulette. Too Risky. So I perfer not to play. I don't even pick up the gun. I'd rather live without the risk.

Needless to say I like someone...it sucks.

Late

2004-02-26T21:59:00.000-07:00

Dang it!!!! I just lost a really great entry....AHHHH!!!!

Well, I'll try to do some of it again.

NO...I won't...I'll just give you the general idea. I basically said that the backspace key is a great thing that I wish I could have in my regular life. You know, like when you say something stupid, you could just say 'backspace' and you could correct your mistake. I also said some stuff about how I wish I could have the time to think like you do when you write things online. Like when a bully hurts your feelings and you don't know what to say until about ten seconds too late and if you say anything then you look like a total idiot and are completely denied and kicked to the curb. Then I sumed it all up with an after-school-special ending about how I wouldn't want to change anything because then I wouldn't be the person I am today...blah...blah...blah...yada-yada...etc. You get the picture.
In fact, this was the picture I found:

A great pic for a great topic that I don't feel like reiterating again, so Good Night fellow Bloggers.

Late.

2004-02-25T11:53:00.000-07:00

Another lovely half-day has begun. OH how I love them. Anyway, I'm here to update you on what happened yesterday.

I went to an Orchestra Concert at Tempe High

The first group (freshmen) were terrible. I did one of the rudest things I've ever done, which was laugh during their attempt at a performance. It wasn't entirely my fault because the older orchestra kids were laughing as well. I was at least polite enough laugh into my hand, while others laughed loudly and openly ridiculed them. Poor Kids. I think the worse part was when the conductor told the audience to applaud once more, because he felt they sounded 'magnificent'. Well, we did, and as the clapping died down, someone behind me whispered loudly, " I hope they didn't believe that." Again, against my will, I laughed once more.

But after the first group left the sat down, beaming, not realizing that the audience had silently booed them, the next group went up. They were the Seniors so their performance was much better. My friend, Megan, was in the group that would go on next, so I was left with Quin, a guy she's been debating on dating or not. He was, as usual, hardly acknowledging my presence, which is something that has always bothered me about him, but I let it slide, because I was here for Megan and not for this muscle bound twit. Though I've known Quin longer than I've known Megan,his fake ignorance act is really beginning to bother me.

After the concert, Megan, her parents, Quin and I decided to go to dinner. We went to a fish and chips place in Mesa that I had never heard of and can't remember the name of right now...okay quick question: why do they call "fish and chips" fish and chips when they actually serve fish and fries?... Anyway during dinner, Megan and I spoke about years passed, boys loved and hated, while Quin sat in discomfort.After dinner, I made my way home were I realized that my mother bought blank CDs so that I could burn my music onto them (YES!!!). So the rest of my night consisted of burning new CDs and waiting a week until I can by batteries so that I can listen to them.

That's all. Late.

2004-02-24T16:03:00.000-07:00

MEMO TO SELF:Your new favorite things are late starts, waking up late, and shorter classes.

I LOVE LATE STARTS!

That is all...

2004-02-23T18:01:00.000-07:00

Okay, tell me why I tried to play Go Fish online and some idiot decides to hit on me....what are people thinking now a days? There are truly too many weird people in the world.

2004-02-21T11:29:00.000-07:00

CAST LIST WAS POSTED!!!!
Congrats to everyone...

Lady Bracknell- Mackenzie
John "Jack" Worthing- David
Gwendolen Fairfax- Roweena
Algernon Moncrieff- Justin ( Great Job! You earned it!)
Cecily Cardew- Ashley
Dr. Chasuble- Scott (ha ha...no surprise here!)
Miss Prism- Christy
Lane- Alex
Merriman- Sarah
Butler- Johnny (yeah Johnny!), Ryan( yeah Ryan!)
Maid- Amy
Female Swing- Sarah
Male Swing- Ryan

What about my cast list you ask? Well, I rather not say because I was so off I should be band from theatre. I will just say I was right about Alex, Scott(of course), and Justin. Great Job everyone! I hope to see you all in crew and what not!

LATE.

2004-02-20T22:16:00.000-07:00

To Be in the Nerd: 25$

To Be on crew for Earnest: 25$

To be able to go to sleep at 6 on a Friday, wake up at 10 to blog and go back to sleep during the time between plays: Priceless

2004-02-20T16:45:00.000-07:00

TODAY IS GREAT!!!Why today is the best day in the world? I shall not say for it may all be an illusion....but what an illusion to have! I will only tell you this: Someone who I thought had forgot me completely may actually remember my presence in their life afterall. One word can describe the feeling of being remembered: SWEET!!!

Late.

2004-02-19T10:01:00.000-07:00

Mike D's page

IT LIVES!!!

I am so happy. It seems like just about everyone I care to know has a blog now. At first it was a few people, but now people are finally starting to do this thing. So yeah! Go MPTC Bloggers...and xanga-ers...and live journal-ers! WE ROCK!

Boredom has overcome my being once again...forgive me.

I just got back from a detention officer orientation. I can't do it yet because I'm not eighteen, but I've decided that that is the way I'm paying my way through college and starting my life. I have to wait until November, which means a shitty job at some place stupid like McDonalds (sorry to everyone that works at McDonalds). But a job as a detention officer should work just fine. Plus I am a fan of law inforcement. I will probably either marry a director or a policeman.

Still waiting for Idler to post the cast so I can post mine on here...just for kicks. And...oh yeah! I have decided to completely re-decorate my room. At first I had a bunch of posters of stars and people that I will probably never meet, but now I have a bunch of my writing and some of my drawings up. I even have this drama section that has program and tickets to shows I've seen and been in. It looks like insanity, but I've organized every single piece of it...Organized insanity...you get it!? Because that's the name of my site and my room is like my site, so is the same, and that makes it funny?...you don't get it...whatever, just know that I love my new and still being worked on room. Its like a work in progress.

Anyway that's all for now...

LATE.

2004-02-18T16:55:00.000-07:00

I feel sick. I just put this guy on my buddy list and silently prayed that he would be online and he was. I wasn't expecting that to happen, I mean, I'm pretty used to my prayers not being answered especially idiotic ones having to do with my non-existent love life. So shocked at the answering of the prayer however, I completely froze and stared at the screen as the little buddy walked out of the door and left a note for me to read. I still stared at it. In fact, I keep on clicking back on the buddy list button to see if he's come back...not that it would matter anyway, considering how much of a chicken-shit I am.

Anyway, in other news, my best friends are dating each other, which means I am left out of their new found coupling, and stuck at home reading blogs and watching the killer of minds (TV). So if you bump into me later today, I'm sorry, I will probably be a little down.

Late.

2004-02-17T21:26:00.000-07:00

Improv was GREAT! The audience was killing themselves. I know I was. I have the utmost respect for anyone that has the guts to go up there and try to make people laugh without anything prepared. It was a great show and if you missed it...well...TOO BAD!!!!!

I was going to tell you about Pridetown but I didn't have enough time. Well, Pridetown (also known as Anytown) is like this seminar that is geared toward younger students to talk about important issues like racial profiling, stereotypes, respect for women/men, etc. I went last year, so this year I would have to go as a counselor-in-training which is great because I would love the chance to teach some of these brats some respect for other cultures because I hate when I hear stereotypes about other races. Its really a tear-jerker. I've seen guys cry so that tells you how emotional things get up there. It's held in Prescott and during great weather. So that's basically Pridetown. They don't advertise it right though, because they don't tell you anything about it. All they say on the flyers are, "Change your life" and "Learn about yourself", you know, things that would make a teenager laugh and keep walking.

The posters don't like though, pridetown did in fact change my life. I wouldn't have the friends I have now and being in drama was almost taboo before Pridetown because it wasn't the quote on quote "black" thing to do. Now, I'm in drama and I can't think of doing anything else. So if I can help someone else change and think a different way, I'd feel great about it.

That's all today. Good night. Late.

2004-02-17T11:39:00.000-07:00

Sometimes during class, or on the bus, or just walking down the halls of MP, I think about some weird stuff and then I say to my self, "That would have been a good blog". Then, when I finally get around to blogging, I have completely forgotten what I was thinking and I end up writing depressing crap that no one care about. So this time I made a list:

Transit System
Dogs and Cats
Pridetown

That's all I've got so far so I'm going with it...here it goes....

Transit Bus System

Buses are weird. I mean, you feel awkward on them no matter what, especially when your alone and its just you and the bus driver. It's this random man/woman who is driving you to your destination who doesn't really care where your going or why your going there for that matter. I usually stare at them from a distance thinking, "Why are you a bus driver when you don't talk to the people?" I mean, sure maybe they just needed a job, but seriously, how much do they get paid? Does anybody know? I mean, I think it would be really rude to ask a bus driver how much they made and if they had wanted to grow up and do this.

Besides the bus driver, its the passengers. Its a bunch of people who avoid eye contact by all means, which sometimes results them to staring at the briefcase someone is holding. It feels so uncomfortable. Especially when you have to sit right next to someone. You feel like your invading their privacy or that they are invading yours. And when the person you sit next to either smells or is crazy, you want to move, but you can't because your afraid to because you might insult the person...not that it should matter, especially if they stink, but for some reason, we give people we don't know more courtesy than we do the people we love.

But the worse thing in the world is when that person on the bus decides this is a great opportunity to hit on you. Now, mind you, it's never anyone that looks even half way decent. It's always that Japanese guy that can barely speak English who has bad breath, and has a difficulty keeping his hands off of you. Even if its a decent guy, come on man...your on the bus. This is a sign to anyone that...YOU DON'T HAVE A CAR! And if you are a 25 year old man without a car, you probably don't have a job and unless you have both you shouldn't hit on me! I know that sound shallow and gold-diggish, but I don't mind if your not rich or anything, it just helps if you at least have a friend that can give you a ride.

Cats and Dogs

This seriously looks like my cat...cat clone!

I have a cat named Chatter and a dog named Porsha. I wouldn't say I'm an animal person, or anything, but their a lot of fun when your lonely or have lost phone privileges for the night. But I don't have a fetish or anything. Sometimes I wonder why people get obsessed with animals. I mean, animals aren't stupid or anything, but sometimes they can be a little...Absent minded. Some people have specific times when to feed their animals and such, but me, I just feed them when I get hungry. Now, I know what your thinking and no, my animals are not malnourished or anything. They are actually a little over weight, which brings me to talk about my irritating heap of fur, Chatter.

Last night, I decided that the cat was too fat and needed a diet, so I figured feed him less often. So needless to say he had a fit. He started meowing over and over and over again at about 2 in the morning and I just wanted to pick his sorry little ass up and throw him over the balcony. But, being the sweet person I am, I resulted in locking him in my mom's restroom for an hour so I didn't have to hear him. I gave him water, so I'm guessing he was okay. My mom let him out though, which means, that little brat was scratching at my door meowing at the top of his lungs. I woke up an hour earlier than I wanted to and still got to school late.

Pridetown

I just want to go to Pridetown again...more on that later.

Well, I've gotta go. I'll be back later today though. An improv show at MP is tonight and I wouldn't miss it for the world....go see it by the way...Phoenix Az, 44th street and Knox, Mountain Pointe High School, in the drama room at 7pm. Late.

2004-02-16T22:49:00.000-07:00

One can truly think only when it is quiet. That's how I feel anyway. Today, walking around the school hallways before auditions started I began to think. To think about life, my future (which is coming to me at full speed), my friends and how many of them I'll keep in contact with after high school.

High School is the basis of almost all of my problems. Its the most annoying part of my life that I have to deal with and I'm glad its almost over, but I'm actually a little terrified....intresting...how can one be a little terrified...anyway, all I'm saying is that I'm freaked out about the whole graduation thing.

I mean, I remember thinking that I would walk up to that podium with my cap and gown and clean sneakers and jump up and down, toss my cap in the air and run down the stage, grabbing and hugging everyone in sight because, I, Ebony, actually finished something on time and did it well. Now, all I think about is the morning after. The morning that it all hits me...I am I high school graduate, what the hell am I going to do with my life? I mean, I know I want to be involved with theatre in some way ( I swear I have become addicted to it, I can barely think past it sometimes, its scary), but seriously, what am I going to do? I haven't had a job in months(never work at McDonald's, by the way). I need to quit whining and do something about it. I've only got three months...DAMMIT!!!!!

Well, I've gotta go. Late.

2004-02-16T17:22:00.000-07:00

I came, I saw, I auditioned. This time it is going to be a very stiff competition. No walk in the park for anyone. I'm having trouble on my own cast list. One thing that sucks about auditions is the wait. The time it takes for the director to post the cast is the same amount of time the actor has to stress in agony about it. And this time there are no sure winners here, so it should be grueling. Plus, Idler(Director) isn't going to post the result until next weekend. Anyone that gets casted will have a good time since the show is going to be pretty good, but I think the only reason I feel that way is because I read some of it and know the synopsis. If I hadn't I probably would be very bored.

Anyway, my day consisted of going to auditions and going to the doctor, who's head was too small for his body. Nice guy though. Plus, my mother seems to be more adamant than usual. That's all I've got to say for once. Late.

2004-02-15T21:35:00.000-07:00

The madness is done...The Nerd is officially over.

The Set

The comedy

I shall truly miss it, however, theatre isn't what I came to speak upon (for a minute anyway). Now, I'm not sure which is worse, liking someone that doesn't like you, or knowing someone likes me that I don't like, but right now the first one is killing me. I like someone and it truly sucks. I mean, I would like to go out with them, but we have a good friendship and I don't want to ruin it with a relationship, or the idea of a relationship. So as usual, I will let my feelings dwindle to nothing so that I can think back years from now, wondering if I would have just said something maybe we could've had more.

Earnest auditions are tomorrow. I'm going. I decided I'm going to audition just for the experience. It should be interesting. That's one of the things I like about auditions. You get to see people change words on a piece of printer paper into another person, a character, something complex and lifelike. I mean, you've got people who just go up there and read, but then, you have those people who go up there and act. Now, there's a huge thing difference in reading and acting. Anyone can read, but to act takes heart and some serious drugs(just kidding). I think I'm kind of in the middle of reading and acting which means I don't read the words, I speak them. I don't think I'll get casted this time, so I'm just really going to make my cast list.

Valentines Day (or Single's Awareness Day) wasn't as bad as it was last year. Last year I was dumped the week before the 14th so I felt like crap. But this year, was great thanks to the Nerd. I was a little upset, so if I pissed anyone of for any reason, I'm sorry, I was just realizing that I liked the person mentioned above, and it was pissing me off. Anyway. This V-Day was good because I got the most Valentine's I've ever received in my life. MPTC kicks royal ass!

Anyway, that's all for today, nothing really dramatic. Late.

2004-02-13T16:10:00.000-07:00

The funniest thing done today by anyone:

(boy walks up to girl and hands her some daisies)

Boy:(sweetly) Will you be my Valentine?

Girl:(flattered) Yes.(she smiles)

Boy: Great! You're my eighth.

( Girls face dropped in disappoval.)

Don't ask me why it was funny, but it was.

Meanest thing I've ever heard:

A bunch of middle school kids gave laxitive to a retarded kid. He shit his pants.

2004-02-12T22:54:00.000-07:00

I am indeed an idiot....pray for me.

2004-02-12T16:05:00.000-07:00

February has struck again...tragedy has just fallen upon the household of Ebony as February takes its biggest stab at my life...My mother just lost her job.This is the first job she's ever been fired from in her life, but February doesn't care. We needed this job to stay here, but February doesn't care. February is just a horrid month that takes its toll were ever it can...Damn it, I'm probably not going to cry until later. I wish I was a boy right about now, that way I wouldn't cry, but be angry. Damn it! We had just got back on our feet, you know? I mean, after my mom got divorced, we've had to scrape our way through so much shit. This is the first decent job she's had since August and now it's over. Back to working at the liquor store around the corner. I guess that means I need to be job searching too.

I can't tryout for Earnest if I wanted to now. But screw it, I'm going to auditions anyway. I want to see if I get my cast. See, I told you I don't really want to act, I want to direct, so I usually watch the auditions and see who I think should gets casted. If I could bet money on it, I would. So far, my track record has been almost flawless. For Sam's One Act I got everyone right except for Briana, the only actress w/ lines, For Rhinoceros, I kinda felt like George would get the lead and he did( the play was nuts though), For Thoreau, I got almost everyone right except for Ryan, the lead, but he was a Freshman, so I don't think anyone would've guessed that, and the Nerd, I got everyone right except for George, I thought Axel would be played by Tim, but I'm happy I was wrong. When it comes to plays Scott has audition for, I've got every single role right, no exceptions. I haven't seen the auditions yet, but so far, I've got my bets. I don't tell people because most of them are usually auditioning and hate to guess the cast, so I keep them to myself until posting day.

Well, I've gotta go, its still opening night and I have to keep high spirits. I'll just be quieter today, most of the cast won't notice anyway because they're on stage for so long. I don't want my mother to see it now. I just made her spend $25 so I could be in it, and I'm only in it for about 2 minutes at the most. I feel so bad now. If I would've known this would happen, I would have just said forget it, I won't do it. But how could I have seen this coming? I gotta go, for real this time. Late.

2004-02-12T10:05:00.000-07:00

What a wonderful day this should be! The Nerd is premiering tonight, its going to be great, and I get my matchmaker form today for sure. YEAH!!! I////<---compliments of Justin...anyway, I still have my other one from last year. It was cool. I really want to know old I am in days.

Anyway, I'm just sitting in AC lab pretty bored for once. I have nothing to do but type. I'm at peace in the world today, something that I always feel is werid since its a rare feeling, but for some reason, more and more I realize that I am really comfortable in my AC lab. Not sure why really. maybe it's because we have computers in here. Anyway, my contacts started scratching something and my eye hurt so much I took them out and have been blind all morning. I really need some new ones, but I've been lazy and now I am paying the price. I must admit though, for the most part, February wasn't so bad. As long as nothing goes wrong in the play tonight, this will be the best February I've had...well...ever.

I think one of the things in life people work toward is comfort. My comfort is usually based on how warm I am. I don't like being hot, or cold, just warm. When my mom request to turn off the heater at home I feel a little bit of disapointment. My grandmothers house is considered to hot for most people, but I love it because another one of my favorite comforts is sleeping and her house is so warm, it makes you sleepy. Being awake is cool and everything, but sleep is great. Especially when you've been deprived of sleep for a long time, it feels so good to lay down and take a nap. Not in class on your shoulder, but in your bed or on the couch listening to Television in the background as you drift off to dream land...Obviously I could go for a nap right now.

Dreams...Dreams are weird. I hardly ever remember them, but when I do they are always about something weird like me playing baseball in a lion's den, or watersking in a pond. Or I dream about people. The last dream I can remember was about this guy I wanted to date and how he threw me over a balcony looking over the school cafeteria. I told him, and he got upset. That's one of the reasons why I don't tell people when I dream about them anymore. I mean, some people feel like if you dreamed that they threw you ever a balcony that you think that you think that they hate you. Or if you dream that you had sex with someone, they think you love them. I think dreams are cool. I mean, I like hearing that I was in someone's unconcious, no matter what the circimstances are. But, obviously most people don't feel the way I do. I always wish that I could remember my dreams enough to write them down and research them. Like last night, I dreamed that it was opening night of the play and I thought that my cat was going to ruin the set. I just kept hearing my cat scratching at the set, thinking that he was distracting the actors and the audience and I couldn't find him. When I woke up my cat was scratching underneath my bed. My cat sucks.

Anyway, I've gotta go. I'm making these too long. Late.

2004-02-11T22:39:00.000-07:00

Sorry I'll get off right now I promise, but I just saw the new Quizno's Subs commerical and I think its stupid and intertaining. Its the one with the cut out rat-looking things that are sing about the subs, oil changes, and paper cuts.

2004-02-11T22:33:00.000-07:00

Justin's right...I do write long blogs....sorry everyone...I'll try to shorten them, but I'm an only child and this is what I do with my free time so I can't make any promises.

2004-02-11T21:56:00.000-07:00

How can anyone not love drama? I mean, its so much fun! I was trying to sell tickets to see "The Nerd" and I'm having the most difficult time. It's like no one really gets how good these guys are. This play is so good, its almost insulting that people may not go. I mean, its sooo good!

But I guess everyone can't think the same way I do. I wouldn't like it that way anyway. I mean, if you have a bunch of people thinking the same way that you do, life would be so boring. I'd commit suicide. I love people who don't think like I do.

That's probably why I love drama. I mean, there are so many unique people their its amazing. I mean, aside from the fact that these kids can really act, they are all funny and unique in their own way. No two people in drama are exactly alike (with the exception of Bowie and Taylor).

For example,

DC Pierson

If you haven't figured it out yet, he's my idol. He doesn't think the way I do at all. I love his outlook on life and the way he thinks. Unique people are so cool. I don't like having a bunch of normal friends that are into being as normal as possible. I like the kids who do what they want to do and think the way they want to think. Like Karin, she's unique too. She so funny because she thinks a different way than everyone else, which means she'll catch something no one else would have thought of. She's funny because you never know what to expect. I don't know Ty very well, but he has that surprise funniness too. He's always saying something you don't expect him to say, or anyone to say for that matter. I love people that think differently. So Basically anyone that's really great at improv is cool.

I wish I could be that way. I feel like I'm so....generic. I mean, the reason I feel that way is because I always get mistaken for someone else or my least favorite quote, "You act just like my friend/cousin/Aunt....." I hate that so much. I would do anything to be a Ty, a Karin, or a DC. They are like no one else and anyone I meet who acts even remotely like them will get, " You almost remind me of my friend Karin..." Almost because no one can really 'act' like these people. I mean, these are the ones that are easy to imitate(except for Ty). I mean, no one can imitate me if they tried. I am the imitator. I have no true identity. No one can imitate an imitator. I mean, how would you do that? You would have to imitate the imitator imitating. Which means your actually imitating who ever the imitator is imitating. Unless you can do an imitator imitating the way the imitator would perceive the person they are imitating. Have I lost you? Sorry, I get that way sometimes. Again, I beat the joke until it was no longer funny.

Anyway, Anyone that can do a good imitation of me please show it to me. I would love to see it.

Well, I gotta go. Late.

2004-02-11T10:05:00.000-07:00

I feel terrible today and I've got rehearsal. Yeah! :( anyway, I have to go is dress rehearsal so I'm screwed. february has struck again! Curse you February! AHHHH! Okay, I don't want to bore you with tales of stomach pain and sickness, so I'll change the subject.

I realize I'm afraid of little kids. Ms. Stewarts got a little girl named Abby

(Abby, isn't she cute?)

Abby is nice enough, but still I am terrified of her. I keep on feeling like she is susceptible to everything at her age and that what I say or do to her will effect her for the rest of her life. I know that sounds conceded, but think about it. Let's just say I accidentally trip over her, causing her to fall on her face, leaving her a hideous scar and a terrible hate of black women, making her racist, because I didn't see her. So usually when she looks in my direction, I give her a smile and try not to stare at her like she is staring at me. That's the thing about kids,they stare at you and your not sure if they are thinking about you or just looking in your direction thinking about Blue's Clue's or whatever the hell little kids think about.

When I was younger, I hung out with kids a lot younger than me, but now, when the kid is young enough to think a seven year old is a big kid, it kind of freaks me out. I mean, at four you can talk, but you don't talk about much and you hardly know anything about life, so when they ask what did you do today, and my normal response would be, "nothing just pissed cause I had to go to Donahue's class.", I feel like I have to dumb-down the answer to a simple, "I went to school" because I don't want to say pissed, because that's a bad word to little kids and I don't want their parents saying,"My daughter said pissed today because that terrible teenager spoke to her!". Then, Donahue would have to be changed to Ms. Donahue and then, I would have to describe pre-calculus to someone who can barely count. So " I went to school" is just about the only answer that I can fathom to say.

And sinking to their level is something that won't happen. I'm sorry, but when people start talking baby talk and acting surprised about everything a kid says I always feel weird because I feel like their lying to the kid. I mean, I know the person talking to the kid doesn't really care that the kid lost his crayon, but this person is acting like it just so that the kid can feel important, which is nice I guess, but lying and changing your voice isn't really the way to prepare people for the real world.

Well, maybe I'll change my mind when I have kids. Anyway, gotta go. Late.

2004-02-10T21:44:00.000-07:00

I won a t-shirt in a raffle today. Unfortunately my matchmaker thing did not come out yesterday or today, but it will be coming on Thursday. In the meantime, I have to make sure I store my two dollars in a place were I won't spend any of it.

Someone guessed my actual age! It was Vocab, you know, the guy I mentioned earlier that's too old for me and MARRIED. I just found that out. I'm a little disappointed, but I have no right dating someone over 22 anyway. O yeah, I found out his real name. Its John Mark. John Mark Malone to be exact. I talked to his sister in law and she told everything....Actually I easedropped when she was telling someone else, but hey, at least I found out right. That's one thing about me, I love to listen. I mean, sure talking gets you a long ways, but not talking gets you have way there....wherever there is....Anyway, You wouldn't believe what you'll learn about people when you easedrop. When you show interest in what people are saying, they get secretive and quiet, but when you look like your doing homework or listening to your radio, you learn all kinds of things. You can find out if what people's name are, ages, grades, religions, schools they go to, who their dating, you know, the whole nine. I mean, I'm not saying easedropping is a good thing, but my feelings are if they didn't want anyone to know, they wouldn't have said it around people. I mean, I don't talk about my personal life around people. I call them on the phone, email them, pull them in a dark corner, you know, stuff like that. I get very nervous about people who discuss their problems(and my problems) in public places.

For example, I went out with this guy, named AJ over the summer who no longer went to my school. We...well...messed around, but nothing too serious. Anyway, I broke up with him in August and haven't talked to him since. So I'm on the Alex bus before school today with a friend of his and she tells me AJ asked her how I was. Then she began asking me loudly, "Is true that you were..."(sorry people, no details, but know it was about my sex life and a very rude question to ask). I was instantly horrified. No way was this chick airing my business out in the open like that, especially since I knew people on the bus at the time. Luckily, I hushed her before she could get anything too incriminating out, but it was way too close(By the way, this is also one of those examples of why I don't truly adore girls. If one of my guy friends would have found something out like that they would just wondered about it for the rest of their lives and never would have actually brought the shit up in the first place....(sigh) Females). That almost makes me positive that I'm not date ANYONE that goes to my school, or even went to my school for that matter.

Wow, once again, off subject. Anyway, easedropping is something that shouldn't be done unless its for your own good. If I would've started hitting on Vocab only for him to tell me, "Um...I'm married. Sorry", I would've probably cried like a newborn later, feeling unbelievably stupid to think someone as cute as him wasn't married,and would have never been able to look him in the eye again.

Life is amusing that way I guess. Sometimes the right thing to do is the wrong thing.

Well, I've gotta go. I have to write a children's story for Creative Writing that I haven't even started yet. So It looks like an all nighter to me! Late.

2004-02-10T10:19:00.000-07:00

I'm making a plug for justin's xanga page...he's cool...not because hes sitting right next to me either:

www.xanga.com/jesuslivesthroughme

It doesn't suck.